Reminiscing About My Spa Vacation

I went to yoga this morning. It was wonderful, but there were no mountains to stare at outside the window (there wasn't even any window in the yoga room) like there was when I was doing yoga almost two weeks ago during my trip to the Miraval Spa in Tucson.

This morning's Zen card said "Purpose" on the front. It said that "I should not search for my purpose in life, but I should lead a purposeful life and give to myself and to others."

Oh, how I wish I was back among the mountains in Tucson. When I was surrounded by the mountains they made me feel more courageous and strong. (I seemed to be able to do more of my yoga asanas at Miraval than I was able to do this morning. I bet those mountains emit certain spirits that enter your body and help you hold a pose.)

It's hard to believe that two weeks have already past since my touchdown in Tucson. I remember I was exhausted after the 4.5 hour plane ride, but when the Miraval shuttle driver picked me up, along with five other Miraval visitors, and he gave me a Miraval brochure filled with all the week's activities, I started to perk up. Almost all the others on the shuttle had, like me, been to Miraval before. Many had been there several times. They too, knew the magic of Miraval and came back to get some more.

So, what did I do (and not do) during this second time around?

- Physical Challenges: I decided to leave my superwoman cape at home and didn't do any physical challenges like the new Desert Sky Zipline. I wasn't ready to soar from a height of 40 feet above the desert floor. Nor, did I go Out on a Limb, walk the Desert Tightrope, or try Quantum Leap and leap from a 25-foot pole. I decided to stay on the ground this trip. I didn't climb the Climbing Wall either. While I've made incredible progress in moving forward and accepting change this past year, I just wasn't sure my legs or my mind were ready to reach for higher ground just yet.

- Yoga and Breath Work: I did challenge myself physically in other ways. I spent several mornings at the Agave Center, doing yoga and breath work. I learned the art of breathing. According to the Miraval brochure, the Yogis call breath work, Pranayama. I learned how to work with my breath to strengthen my body's energetic system. It was not easy.

"Breathe in," said the instructor Mary Grace, "Let your diaphragm go down and let your stomach go out." It sounded easy enough. Or so I thought.

"Breathe out," said the instructor Mary Grace, "Let your diaphragm go up and your stomach pull in." It sounded pretty simple. I can do this, I said to myself.

"Now put the two together," said Mary Grace. It sounded like a good idea. Up and out and down and in. Piece of cake.

Ha, ha, ha! Nope, it's not a piece of cake. You try it. Go ahead, see if you can do it. Breathe in for two seconds and then breathe out for 3 seconds and pause. Try it again. I like Pranayama, but it takes a lot of practice. (Note to self: practice Pranayama every day. Second note to self: try to practice Pranayama at least once a week. Third note to self: make sure to keep breathing at all times whether the stomach hangs in or out.)

- Skillfully Aware: I attended Mark Farris Pirtle's class to learn how to manage stress. Mark said that "Emotions come from lousy things and if emotions escalate they can lead to stress illnesses, like depression, insomnia, anxiety and rage."

Mark also said that "emotions are a mind/body sensation." Talk and image come from our mind that does our thinking. Touch and feel come from the body. And the world can trigger good things and lousy things with sights and sounds.

"Mindfulness is you watching your own experience," said Mark, "However, as you watch you don't offer any judgement."

After sitting through this session, I realized that while I am doing a good job of integrating the loss of my husband into my life, I'm not doing as good a job when it comes to improving my insomnia or dealing with my menopausal moments. (Here I go again, judging myself, just like Mark said NOT TO DO. Note to self: practice being skillfully aware and don't judge myself so harshly. Second note to self: check out Mark's website called skillfullyaware.com for more tips. Third note to self: stop, breathe and be more...yes, yes, yes.)

- Cultivating Resilience: I went to Anne Parker's session to learn how to cultivate resilience through the power of my heart. Anne told us that "the heart sends more information to the brain than it receives from the brain." She said that "in the womb, the heart develops first before the baby's brain."

My ears were really turned on when Anne started to explain the heart some more. "The heart is also a gland," said Anne. "It secretes oxytocin and cortisol which is bad stuff. But when you meditate, it secretes good stuff to modulate the bad stuff. And when you have good emotions and are calmer, more joyful and relaxed it secretes even better stuff that can help slow aging." (Note to self: think good thoughts all the time. Second note to self: try to meditate more often. Third note to self: Open up the double CD by Tony Redhouse on Native American Healing Meditation that you paid a lot of money for at the Miraval bookstore and use it every day...or at least once a week...you better use it once a month!)

Anne shared so much more about resilience. She said the seven emotions that support coherence which make a person more resilient are:

1. Emotions that are heartfelt. (I must make my emotions sincere from my heart.)
2. Emotions that are savoring. (I need to just be in it and not move ahead.)
3. Emotions that emit gratitude. (I should keep a journal of what I am grateful for.)
4. Emotions that are healthy distractions (Sometimes I need to put my energy into another state instead of harping on the negative.)
5. Emotions that are present. (If I remind myself to practice mindfulness and live in the moment I will not be overwhelmed as much. Note to self: be present, present, present, don't think ahead or behind so much.)
6. Emotions that provide connections. (I'm good at this. I like to connect with others. That's why I blog.)
7. Emotions that are playful. (Do you know that people who have fun are more resilient? Note to self: Have more fun.)

So how can I be in coherence when I'm under so much stress? "Practice shifting your emotional state to one of the seven states," said Anne.

That's all for now. I'm skillfully aware that I am hungry, so I'm going to eat some dinner (something healthy of course like the leftover salmon and spinach I cooked last night). Then I'm going to practice my breathing...although my stomach may not go in like it should after I eat. And I'm going to improve my resilience by having some fun while I dance around and listen to Lady Gaga sing "Bad Romance" at the Grammys. I hope Lady Gaga wins a Grammy Award tonight.

Stay tuned, there's more to share. I have to, have to, have to tell you all about the Sexuality classes I attended. Plus, there's more to tell about my one-on-one astrology session.

Can't wait to do more reminiscing.

Judi

P.S.- Have you checked out my new review blog yet?

Back From Vacation

I've returned from my 10 days away. The longest vacation I've ever taken in the 30 years since I've been working. So much to share, show and tell. But, I'm exhausted from my trip back from Tucson and my unpacking, unpacking, unpacking.

Stay tuned, because we have lots to catch up on including:

- My 4 day visit to the Miraval Spa (it was just as fabulous as last year with new classes, spa treatments, healthy food and exercise activities)
- My first-ever personal astrology reading (what did Astrologer Carolyn Crawford say about my life? Ooh, it was so much fun. Glad she taped it because with my fiftysomething memory I have already forgotten at least half of what Carolyn said at the session.)
- My 4 day visit to the Loews Ventana in Tucson (my first trip with my boyfriend L and we're still together.)

Stay tuned, because once I get some sleep I am going to share, share, share...all that I learned from the two sexuality classes I attended at Miraval. I went to both sexuality sessions since I totally enjoyed the first one about "Being 16 Again" I had to go to the second session the following day to learn more about my libido.

Stay tuned, because once I get some sleep I am going to tell, tell, tell...all that I heard at Miraval's resilience class about how to be more resilient.

Stay tuned, because once I get some sleep I am going to show you some pictures of the cactus I wanted to take home and the mountains I wanted to climb.

Forget New York, New York, I want to make it in Tucson, Tucson. If I can make it in Tucson, I can make it anywhere.

One more thing before I go to sleep...just one. I bought a great teeshirt at the spa gift shop. It has a big sunflower on the front that says "Love this Life." The shirt has a poem on the back that was written in 2002 by David Culiner. Here's David's poem. I loved David's poem the minute I read it, that is why I had to buy the teeshirt:

Love this Life...
is about celebrating the moment
and that we're not guaranteed
or owed another day
and how cool it is that what we hide
can actually be the fuel towards our glory
and that it's not so bad being proven wrong

Love this LIfe...
is about welcoming the blind turn
and the possibility that
there's no such thing as coincidence
and that empathy is incredibly sexy
and that it's never too late
to pick up a guitar or a paintbrush
or to make an amend or to make a new friend

Love this Life...
could be about rekindling a past flame
or igniting a new one
or shapeshifting the caress of a love lone gone

Love this Life...
means whatever it is you want it to mean
because

Love this Life...
is a celebration of you and your path

Love this Life...
cuz it could go at any second

you rock.


Isn't that an amazing poem? See why I had to buy this shirt?

Oh, I have so much more to share, show and tell. Talk to you soon.

Judi

Ready To Renew My Mind, Body and Soul

I'm prepping for my trip back to paradise. I'm going back to the Miraval Spa in Tucson, Arizona. Back to renew my mind, body and soul, like I did a year ago this same time of year (Read about my previous trip to Miraval). Only this time, I'm not going to make myself crazy and try to do EVERYTHING on the Miraval schedule. (Okay, I said I'm going to "try" not to do EVERYTHING every day, but there is SO MUCH TO DO!)

Relax, relax, relax. Om, Om, Om.

I'm definitely going to do morning and late afternoon yoga classes. Check, check.

I need a little cardio workout to rev up my heart rate.

I definitely want to try the Cardio Kickboxing. Check. I've never done Kickboxing before.

No new challenge courses for me this time around. I think I'm going to stay on the ground. Although, although, I did say last year that I would try the Climbing Wall again and see if I can make it to the top. I'll have to see how brave I feel on the day of the Climbing Wall. (Will I be brave and face the Climbing Wall again? Can I climb higher? Stay tuned.)

I definitely want to attend the session on "Cultivating Resilience through the Power of Your Heart." I want to be more resilient in 2010. According to the class description it sounds like it is just right for me. I will "learn powerful yet down-to-earth skills to cultivate resilience in the midst of daily stresses resulting in more energy, greater emotional balance and increased mental and emotional flexibility." (Ooh, ooh, ooh, can't wait to take this class. I'll be sure to take good notes to share in one of my upcoming blog posts.)

I definitely want to go to the Drumming session too. I'm not a very good drummer, but it is supposed to enhance meditation. (Ooh, ooh, ooh, hope I can fit this class into my busy schedule.)

And you know what? You know what? You know what I also signed up to do? I'm so, so, so excited to tell you that I'm going to have a special Astrology Reading. I'm so, so, so excited. (I do hope that Astrologer C provides some good cosmic guidance for me.)

I do have to fit in all my wonderful Miraval Spa treatments,too. My plan includes one treatment each day. And I do have to allow myself time for breakfast, lunch and dinner with all the fabulous healthy spa cuisine food. (I wonder if I will be able to squeeze in lunch with the Exercise Physiologist on Tuesday?)

I hope I have time to read all the books I downloaded on my brand new Kindle. (Read all about my new Kindle electronic reader on my new Raves, Rants, and Review site and sign up to receive upcoming posts.) In fact, before I leave I must remember to pack all my chargers. Let's see:

- I need my charger for my new Kindle. Can't forget that.
- I need my charger for my computer. Can't forget that.
- I need my charger for my cell phone. Can't forget that.
- I need my charger for my Blackberry. Can't forget that.
- I need my charger for my iPod. Can't forget that.

I'm definitely going to be charged up as I renew my mind, body, and soul. I hope my clothes fit in my bag too!

As the Miraval introduction says, "Welcome to Miraval Arizona. This is where your journey begins. Whether you're here to unwind (yes I am), explore (yes I am), strengthen or connect (yes I am), Miraval has over a hundred ways to help you on the path to living and feeling better. (Did they say 100 ways? I'm definitely going to have to book another trip for January 2011, 2012, and many more years to come so I can try them all.)

Judi

Jumping Into The New Year

I'm ready to jump into the new year. Just like I did more than 30 years ago, when I jumped into the icy cold pool to take my swim test when I was a freshman at Cornell University.

I was reminded of this jump when I was reading an article in the Education Section of the New York Times last week. The article was about schools that still require swim tests for graduation. According to the article, one of the earliest schools to require swim tests was Cornell. Cornell's aquatics director said that, "In 1918, the women's phys ed director decided it was part of a complete education for a nice young women to know how to swim."

"Jump in," said the gym teacher as I stood in my black Speedo bathing suit, "Jump in."

"Can I sit down and slide in?" I said timidly as I looked at the water that was much deeper than 5 feet 3 inches. I was afraid of jumping in and going under water.

"No," said the gym teacher, "You must jump to pass the test. And you must swim 75 yards, one lap on your chest, one on your back, and a third any style." (The same requirement still stands today.)

"What if I don't jump in?" I said softly as I held up one foot and dipped it into the pool.

"You will have to take swimming as a gym course," said the gym teacher.

"Is that ALL semester in the winter too?" I replied as I bent over to examine the water one more time. I remember I had my Speedo cap on too, so as not to get my hair wet. I looked like an Olympic swimmer, but I sure didn't feel like one.

"Yep, ALL semester," said the gym teacher, "That's September, October, November, and December."

"What if I sit down and I plop into the pool and then do my laps?" I asked nicely.

"Nope," said the gym teacher as she started to get angry. "Just jump." There were many more nice girls behind me who had to take the swim test and the gym teacher was getting ready to fail me.

I didn't want to fail. Not me. I was not going to fail.

"Okay,okay, just give me a few more seconds," I replied almost in tears (It really didn't matter if I cried, my face was going to get all wet anyway.)

I remember looking at the water again. I remember being really scared. I remember thinking that if I didn't take the plunge at that very moment, I was going to have to make not just one plunge, but four months worth of plunges into icy cold water in a chlorine-filled pool every week in September, October, November and December of 1975 in order to graduate. And I didn't want to do that.

I bowed my head. I closed my eyes. I stretched my arms up and I jumped. My head went under the water and then my head popped out of the water. I swam my three laps and I passed my swim test.

After all these years, I was pleased to learn from the New York Times that I was not alone in my fears. In fact, today a 10-page thread at college-confidential.com records student anxiety on the topic of swim tests. And, at Cornell, 20 to 25 students fail the swim test each year. Perhaps, each of these nice girls and nice boys also have a fear of jumping in deep water.

Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday. It's the start of a whole new year in my life after 50. My yoga teacher N said that yogis make affirmations for the new year, not resolutions.

I wanted to know more about affirmations so I looked up the word in my hard cover Webster's New World Dictionary. I used the dictionary that my high school friend K gave me on August 23, 1975, before I left for college.

Dear J,

This is to save you a few trips to the library. Best of Luck!

With love,

K

According to Webster's, "an affirmation is something affirmed; a positive declaration."

The LiveStrong.com website says that self-affirmations are "Success prophecies that, when visualized, imagined or believed in, do come true. They can take the shape of:

- 'I am' statements that are positive affirmations of a real state of being that exists in you. You can achieve a full list of 'I am' statements by taking a personal positive inventory of your attributes, strengths, talents and competencies.

- 'I can' statements that are statements of your potential. This is a positive affirmation of your ability to accomplish goals. It is a statement of your belief in your power to grow, to change, and to help yourself.

- 'I will' statements that are statements of positive change in your life. This is a positive affirmation of a change you want to achieve.

- The daily use of these 'I' statements is another form of self-affirmation designed to counter negative self-concept.


It's 2010. Tomorrow is my 52nd birthday. I am talented. I can swim. I can take risks. I can swim. I can change. Not only can I swim, but I can go under water and pop right back up. I will jump into the new year and face my fears courageously. Yes, I will because just like I did more than 30 years ago when I jumped into that icy cold pool, I will not fail.

Happy Birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to me.

Judi

Out With The Old, In With The New

I'm on another staycation. Only this time I am getting more done than before. As I prepare for 2010, I'm ready to throw out the old and bring in the new.

My New Home Office: So glad the 1-800-GOT-JUNK guys showed up promptly this morning to remove my son's old bedroom furniture. He has had that furniture since he was two years old and now he is 19. The JUNK guys did a great job. It took them about five minutes to dismantle the hutch from the desk and load everything into their van. While it was a tad on the expensive side, I was so glad to see that old furniture go out the door.

Now I have room to set up a new desk and start to watch my new home office take shape. (However, my son still thinks this new home office is for him. I did keep his bed and a chair, but that's about it. Oh, yes, and I kept a picture of him from when he was two years old and was a bumblebee for Halloween. He found the picture in his desk drawer. He was such a cute bumblebee. I couldn't let him throw away that picture. So I kept it. I also kept some of the picture books that I used to read to him when he was a toddler, like Jamberry and In the Night Kitchen, and The Giving Tree. Maybe I will read them to my grandchildren one day.)

Tomorrow, my kids and I are off to IKEA to buy new furniture. Yeah! (I should not get too excited, as it will likely take me quite a while to put the IKEA furniture together. Maybe I can bring the JUNK guys back to set up my new furniture?)


My New Kindle: I was going to bring new technology into my life last nite when I decided to fire up my Kindle. "No more books for me," I told myself, "I've had this Kindle for two years. It's about time I finally use it." I charged the battery and then went to register it on Amazon.com.

"Someone has already registered that serial number," said Amazon.com. "You must call customer service for help." It seems that the person who purchased the Kindle as my gift two years ago had already registered it. I spent about 30 minutes on the phone with the nice customer service representative. Unfortunately, he could not fix my Kindle. He said he would check with the Kindle experts and call or email me on Tuesday.

I do hope they call me back. I want to be ready to read all my books that I plan to download in the new year. (I have so many books on my retirement reading list that I was going to start to download. I know I have lots of time until I retirement, but I had plans to possibly begin to learn to use this new technology in 2010.

My New Exercise Routine: I always start the new year saying how much more I'm going to exercise. Don't you do that too? I went out and bought two new sports bras yesterday...the Everlast bras that make me want to start kickboxing. I need to add some new cardio workouts to my routine. I also should start using my stationary bicycle in the mornings. (Ha, ha, ha.) I do wish I could have more time to do yoga more often. And I should really start training for the Komen Race on Mother's Day - I do want to run this year instead of walking. Hmm, hmm, hmm. Maybe on second thought, I'll just keep doing what I've been doing in 2009 and try one new weight machine.

My New 'To Do' Lists: I'm definitely going to have shorter 'to do' lists in 2010. My sister visited me this week and she said that in social work school they taught her to put all her 'to do' lists into compartments and do a few at a time so the 'to do' list isn't overwhelming. Like this week...I only put seven things on my 'to do' list for my staycation week. And I accomplished almost all of my 'to do's' so far. I'm so proud of myself.

1- Go To Foot Doctor: I went to the foot doctor and got my new orthopedic inserts for my shoes. "You are going to stand up straighter," said the podiatrist this morning as he put the new orthopedic inserts in my shoes. "They will take time to get used to, but soon you'll be walking straighter, you'll have less lower back pain," he added. I am so excited to finally have my feet and body aligned and ready for the next decade.

2- Call Snowblower Repairman: I called the snowblower repairman to fix my broken snowblower. (Of course, my super duper snowblower did not work during last week's 20+ inch snowstorm.) The snowblower repairman actually arrived this afternoon and took my snowblower away to the repair shop. He gave me a ticket and said he would call with the estimate. I do hope he comes back with my snowblower before the next major snowstorm in 2010.

3- Call 1-800-GOT-JUNK: I already told you about the JUNK guys. Check, check.

4- Go to IKEA and Buy New Home Office Furniture: And the 4th 'to do' I'm doing tomorrow when I go to IKEA for my furniture. Check, check.

5- Call the SEARS Serviceman: I still have to call the SEARS serviceman to come service my washer and dryer that is due for service in January.

6- Bake Bread: I promised my kids I would try to bake another challah bread during my staycation week. The last one I made did not rise (think my daughter boiled the water for the yeast instead of just adding warm water). Check, check, I made the challah yesterday and it rose to perfection. In fact, it had extra time to rise because I was busy on the phone trying to get my Kindle to work. I told the nice Amazon Customer Service man that I had dough rising so I couldn't stay on the phone too long. (I'm such a good multi-tasker! I can bake bread and try to fix a Kindle at the same time.)

7. Shred Old Papers: I have so many papers to shred. I always try to shred some of the old papers at the end of the year so I can make room for all the new papers that I have to file away. I did a few stacks today in my tiny shredder and must shred more later in the week.

There. I'm done with my 'to do' list. I like this new 'to do' list system.

Out with the old. In with the new. 2010 will be here in a few days. It's time to sing that old song people sing when the clock strikes 12:00 am on January 1st...

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely you’ll buy your pint cup !
and surely I’ll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

I like Auld Lang Syne.

Have a happy new year! I'll be back in 2010 with more stories to share about my life after 50. Wait. My birthday is coming up a week after the new year. I'm going to be 52. Oh, I think I'll forget about my birthday and sing 'Auld Lang Syne' again.

Judi

An Angel In The Outfield

According to George A. Bonanno, the author of a new book called The Other Side Of Sadness, "Well over 50 percent of those who are grieving show resilience." George says that "People are deeply pained, but from the beginning they can function. They oscillate between turning inward, to face the fact that their loved one is gone, and turning outward." George also says that "people seem to have the equipment to deal with very difficult things."

I think George is right. I've been resilient this second year as a widow. I think I was likely resilient during my first year too.

On the eve of the second anniversary of my late husband's passing, it seems fitting that I should write him a letter and share an update with him on my resilient year. Here goes:

Dear M,

Lots has happened this year. Listen to all the things I accomplished...

- You would be proud of how I've kept your lawn all green. I hired a new landscaper and he actually showed up each week to cut the grass. It rained a lot, so the grass grew quickly. I also swept the leaves away from the basement steps. I know you never liked when the leaves cluttered the outdoor steps and sump pump. (Did I mention that I had two trees cut down this year too? I wasn't that strong to cut the trees down by myself, I hired a tree man.)

- You were right, a house takes a great deal of work to maintain. I think our house was testing me this year to see how strong I was. First, the garage door broke and I had to get a new garage door and a garage door opener. I wasn't strong enough to attach a new garage door to the house, I hired a garage door man.

- You were right, it takes a great deal of money to maintain a house too. Our house decided that a broken garage door was not enough for one year. After the garage door was all fixed, I noticed a crack in the basement wall. That led to an engineer inspection which found two cracked walls. Remember when we had so much rain a few years ago and we had to reinforce the side walls of the house? Well, I had to do that again this year, only on two other walls. I wasn't strong enough to put the beams in the walls. I hired a concrete man.

- Moving on to other accomplishments this year, you should know that our son D transferred to the BIG CITY to go to school. You would be so proud of how he is doing in the BIG CITY. (Did I mention that Jay-Z wrote a great song about New York City? I like the song, but I don't think you would.) D got an A- in Accounting and a B in Macroeconomics this semester - how fabulous is that?

- You would be so proud of our daughter A too. She is living in the BIG CITY, along with our son D, and she is doing really well as a Financial Analyst. You always said she was so smart. She is. She is.

- No, I didn't write my book this year. Not yet. I'm so busy with work and keeping this house in shape. I'm hoping that I can report more on this subject next year. It's a dream I have that will come true one day. Yes it will. Yes it will.

- What else happened this year? Let's see. Your Giants football team likely won't make it to another Superbowl in February. They didn't do too well this season. But, you know what? Your Yankees won the World Series. Wish you were here to see them win. (Maybe you were here. I bet you were the angel in the outfield that night.) And the best part was that our son D finally made it to a Yankee parade. (Remember when he wanted to skip school and go to the Giants parade and I wouldn't let him? Well, this year he didn't even have to skip school, he saw the parade outside his school window. How cool is that?)

- I now have a MACBOOK computer. (I know you didn't like Apple computers, but I really wanted one.) And you know what? I learned how to download music and put it on my iPod. My new favorite rock performer this year is Lady Gaga. I don't think you would like her music. But, she did just meet the Queen of England.


- I managed to do all of my food shopping this year without complaining. However, I'm not as good a shopper as you used to be. Cooking for one is not the same as cooking for four or for two. My cooking is not as good as your cooking. Did I mention that I miss the risotto you used to make?

- Menopause has wreaked havoc on my body. I continue to deal with my headaches, insomnia and middle age middle.

I've definitely grown stronger this year, even if I can't chop down a tree, put in a garage door, or drill beams into the foundation of a house, I'm one strong woman. I know how to hire many men to do get the job done. Looks like I finally learned how to delegate. You would be so proud of me.

I think it's time to put up the little plaque that my friend M gave me a year ago. There's a saying on the plaque. It says that "when someone you love becomes a memory...the memory becomes a treasure."

I will always treasure my memories of you. And I know you will too. You're such an angel.

Love always,

Judi

Becoming Stronger

I've spent the past two years strengthening my life. Yes, since my husband passed away (it will be two years next week), and my kids have officially left the nest (well almost, the younger birdie tends to come back more often than the older one), I've had a chance to concentrate more on me, myself and I.

So, it was very fitting when the publicist for Marcus Buckingham, the author of "Find Your Strongest Life, What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently," contacted me and asked if I would like Marcus to write a guest post for my blog.

"Absolutely," I told the publicist, "but first I need to take The Strong Life Test and discover the role I was born to play, as Marcus' book says." At 50+, it's time to find out what my role in life is truly meant to be, and pay more attention to my strengths. I do want to be a happy woman during the second half of my life.

I heard Marcus speak at a recent women's conference this past October and loved his presentation on the topic. He described nine different life roles:

1. An Advisor is good at giving advice. (Am I good at giving advice? I do try to give advice to people.)
2. A Caretaker always wants to make sure that everyone is okay.(I must be a caretaker, I'm always trying to be inclusive.)
3. A Creator wants to understand, take notes. Marcus says creators like time for themselves and have the best conversations with themselves. (I must be a creator. I always talk to myself.)
4. A Motivator wants to raise the energy in the room. (Well, that's me. I like to pump up the volume when I'm in the room.)
5. An Influencer wants to move people to action. (That could be me too. I don't like to sit around. I like to execute and move people to act.)
6. An Equalizer sees the world as a whole and wants to do the right thing. An Equalizer is a passionate defender. (Hmm, am I an Equalizer?)
7. A Pioneer loves the new and has a strong tolerance for ambiquity. (Not me. I don't think dealing with ambiquity is one of my strengths.)
8. A Teacher asks 'how can I help others learn and grow?' (That's me. I like to teach others.)
9. A Weaver sees the world as a web of relationships and is always looking for what's best in other people. (Hmm, am I a Weaver?)

Once you discover your lead role and your supporting role, Marcus says you should follow your internal compass to live a stronger life.

I was intrigued by Marcus' perspectives and especially eager to take The Strong Life Test. I did. And guess what I found out? Surprise, surprise, surprise.

My lead role is 'Teacher.' A teacher 'begins by asking 'what can I learn by this?' My focus is instinctively toward the other person. Not her feelings, necessarily, but her understanding, her performance, her skills. (No wonder I have so many people on my gift-giving list. This fits me to a tee. Plus, I did get a degree in education more than 30 years ago, but I never did teach. Why didn't I teach? I can't remember! I like The Strong Life Test. Tell me more. Tell me more.)

My best quality is 'my faith in others.' (Yes, yes, yes. That's me. I have faith in others and usually in my eyes people are innocent until proven guilty, rather than guilty until proven innocent...like when my son went to a concert in NYC and didn't tell me.I told the person who snitched on him that he absolutely did not go to NYC to a concert without asking me first. Unfortunately, in this case, he was guilty of the act and did face a punishment.)

Tell me more. Tell me more. Oh no, a Teacher must be careful and not come to believe that everyone is capable of everything. (So true, so true.)

My supporting role is a Motivator. I knew it. I do raise the energy in the room. I do usually sense the energy in a room and feel compelled to do what I can to elevate it - just like The Strong Life Test says. Listen to this: It says that a Motivator is an instinctively optimistic person. (Yep, that's me.)

But what should a Motivator be careful of? Uh, oh. The Strong Life Test says that I should be careful that I don't get sucked dry by emotional vampires. (Yep, that's me. I do let all the vampires suck me dry. No wonder I like the Twilight movies.)

That was fun. I think I would like to have Marcus write a guest post for my blog. I'm going to ask him. Stay tuned. Maybe he will write it next week or the week after.

Judi