To The BlogHersphere and Beyond

I was reminded of why I enjoy blogging so much after spending two full days and evenings in what truly felt like the blogosphere in real life at the 2009 BlogHer conference in Chicago this weekend. There were 1400 female bloggers (I didn't meet all 1400, but I wish I had had more time to meet them all). Of the many women I did meet - all were talented, liberated, creative, curious, fabulous, smart women.

There was a certain blogalicious bond among us.(Don't you just love this word? According to the Blogalicious 2009 founders, the word is an adjective and means "the state of being in which one finds joy in updating one's blog or a blog or blog entry that one finds highly enjoyable."

I felt like we were an extended family of diverse sisters. Some tall and some short. Some heavier and some thinner. White women and women of color. Straight women and gay women. Lots of mommies. Lots and lots of mommies with lots and lots of babies. (I did want to hold and hug some of the babies - they were all soooooo cute and actually very quiet. I think these mommy bloggers must have a special touch. I wish mommy bloggers were around when my kids were growing up, I could have used all the advice they dish out on their blogs every day.) Young single women and more mature women (like me). All blogalicious women (ooh, I just love that word!)

What did I learn at BlogHer?

- I learned about leadership from Kathie Orenstein, who heads up the OpEd project. Kathie explained how important it is for women to speak up about their expertise. We each had to say the following, filling in each part of the sentence:

"Hello my name is..."
"I'm an expert in..."
"Because..."

It was a tough exercise. Kathie says "women have to move from a position of fear of self to a position of social responsibility and think about the potential of positive impact we can have on others based on our experiences." According to Kathie, the experiences I share on my little blog can make a big difference, whether it impacts one person or many. In fact, Kathie says if I don't share my experiences I am selfish because no one will get to benefit from my knowledge. (I liked Kathie. She was one of the smart women I met.)

- I learned some tips from fellow bloggers that were featured on The Juice video. The theme was 'how to get more of what you want and less of what you don't want.' I liked the blogger who provided the 10 Minute Dance Party tip. She said that "when you are stressed or tired you should put on loud music and boogie for 10 minutes to get your energy up." I also liked the tip from one of the mommy bloggers who said you should 'sleep in your running clothes so that you will be ready to exercise in the morning.' (I may have to try this tip, although I doubt sleeping in my running clothes will incentivize me to go running more in the morning. If I really want to do more morning exercise, I could just clean off all the stuff on my stationery bicycle in my bedroom and ride a few miles in my pyjamas.)

- I learned how to use an HP Photosmart A636 Touch Screen printer to print my photos. This was a BIG deal for a novice techno like me. It was so easy to use. However, now I really want to buy one of these printers. The HP guy said it only costs about $100. However, the printer paper and ink jet are likely the more expensive part of this purchase. (How can I rationalize this purchase? Ah yes, if I buy this printer I will not have to go to Target to print my photos. I'll save gas because I won't have to drive to Target. I'll save time because I won't have to wait for the pictures to be developed. I'll save money because usually while I wait at Target for my pictures I always walk around the store and I end up purchasing a minimum of $70 worth of items I don't really need, but that I really like. Plus, I'll be able to send more timely pictures to my mom in Flo-ree-da. I knew I could make this purchase appear priceless.)

- I learned from Ree Drummond, The Pioneering Woman, that everybody has a story to tell. And I truly enjoyed hearing each woman's story that I met, especially the stories from several of my fellow female boomer bloggers:

Debba Haupert from Girlfriendology - where you can find inspiration, appreciation & celebration

FreshWidow.blogspot.com - a fellow widow who was so open to sharing and supporting other widows

Jill Gilbert, who started the Gilbert Guide to Senior Care, a wonderful resource for those who are caregivers to their elderly parents and relatives

Beth Rosen, who blogs at The Mid Life Wife

Myrna Cook Lantzsch, from Tangerine Times, if you still have teens in the house you should check out Myrna's site.

Lisa Honig Buksbaum, CEO and Founder of Soaringwords. As Linda Lowen of About.com said "Lisa created SoaringWords.org to empower communities to embrace ill children and families and inspire them to never give up." I encourage you to check out SoaringWords.org and you will be inspired too.

While I was less rested after my two days in the bloghersphere, I definitely was more invigorated and very blogalicious. In addition, I was very happy because I was able to fit the Mr. Potato Head (remember Mr. Potato Head, I always loved Mr. Potato Head when my kids were little)that Hasbro had so graciously given us, in my suitcase. It was a tight fit, but I was not going to leave my shiny new Mr. Potato Head with 'lots of pieces to create funny faces' in the bloghersphere. Nope, I wanted to take him home so that during my childish moments of emptynesterness I can always pull him out for lots of laughs. Or as they say in the blogosphere 'lol.'

Judi

I Will Be Fine

Why is it when I think things are finally going to slow down...when I think that the universe is going to give me a break...it shifts. Yes, it takes a turn and sends me into a physical and emotional tailspin of more change. Doesn't the universe know that I am not good with change? Doesn't it know that I never was good with change? Doesn't it know that at fiftysomething it's really hard to change?

Frankly, I don't think the universe cares what I think about change. I don't think it cares one bit how I react to change. I don't think it worries that I get scared when I face uncertainties. I think the universe throws more change my way because it has decided that my little 'i' at the end of my name is going to stay straight up despite all the changes that it throws my way. From the left or the right, from the front or the back, from the top or the bottom, I think the universe knows that my little 'i' will be just fine.

- My son will go off to college in the big city in September. He likely (hopefully) won't come home as much on the weekends. I will miss him. But, I will be fine.

- Two of my BFF at work will retire next week. Life on the job just won't be the same without them. I will miss them. But, I will be fine.

- My house needs a new roof and despite the fact that I procrastinated all these months, the nice roofing contractor that I just hired promised he will call by the end of the month to set a date to install my new red-toned roof. Sooooooo, I will continue to have a sturdy roof over my head this winter. I will be fine.

"You should think about selling your house and moving to a smaller place," said my girlfriend L (and a few of my other friends and relatives echoed her sentiments). "Your house is too much work and expense for you now," she added.

"What? Move from my wonderful, fabulous, marvelous ranch house that I love? How can I make such a change?" I said to myself as I started to get scared of more changes in my life.

"You may find a townhouse that is even more wonderful, fabulous, and marvelous," said L, "won't that be nice?"

I may. I can. I likely will. I will be fine.

Perhaps the universe keeps sending winds of change my way to remind me that no matter what year, week, day, hour, it is, I must begin to lay the foundation for the possibilities of more change in my life. Yes, I'm going to be scared, change is going to be hard, but I am confident that I will be okay.

As the Torah says,

"Life is a narrow bridge and the main thing is not to be afraid."

However, I may have to break down and get myself a life vest, just in case I fall off the bridge into the water. I'm not that good a swimmer. But, with a life vest, I will be just fine.

Judi

Benefit of the Doubt

Last month, my son came to me and said he wanted to transfer to a different college. He had done his homework. He had done research on the new school. He came to the conclusion that he truly wasn’t happy at his current university (W.U.) and wanted to go to P.U. in NYC.

We went through several rounds of ups and downs and downs and ups. First, came the rants that “I was an unsupportive mother.” That hit at my core (no wonder my yoga practice was suffering with my core under stress.) Next came the anger that I wasn’t taking him seriously. (My son D is always full of ideas. He actually has a more creative side than my daughter A. Naturally, I believe he gets his creative juices from my side of the family.) And finally, came the motherly breakdown (or the giving in stage of the process where he wore me down and I said I would agree to be a more supportive mother and listen to his P.U. proposal.)

“Okay, okay,” I finally said one day a few weeks ago. “If you are truly unhappy and you do all the work, I will go to NYC with you and see the school and assess the program. While I agreed to this venture, I knew in the back of my mind that my answer was going to be "no." I did not give him the benefit of the doubt. In fact, at the time, I was almost 90 percent set against such a move.

And then two weeks ago, he got accepted to P.U. While I went into the process doubting that this was a good change, overtime, my doubts began to subside. “Was I not giving my son the benefit of the doubt?” (No, absolutely not – he was guilty and wrong until proven innocent.) “Was I not trusting his judgement on this school? (No, absolutely not, how could D, at 19 years old, know what was best for him. He hadn’t gone through enough experiences in life to know if this move was a good one or not.)

Then there were all the specific doubts, like how much was this school in the BIG CITY going to cost?

I doubted that they would accept many of his freshman credits. (I definitely doubted they would take all his credits and therefore, it would likely take longer than 4 years for him to graduate.)

I doubted the curriculum for P. U’s hospitality program. (He will have to get a business degree not a hospitality degree. How could this program be better?)

I doubted he would get housing as a transfer student. (Would he get a dorm room in the BIG CITY, especially as an upperclassman?)

Despite my many doubts. I decided to join him for a tour of the school and meetings with the various school administrators. The decision for Fall 2009 was fast approaching.

So, last week, D and I jumped on the train to NYC. He scheduled the tour. He found the directions via subway (I was so proud of him.)

“Yes, we will take all his credits and there is still room in the upperclassmen dorms,” said the nice admissions counselor. (No doubt there anymore.)

“Yes, we have a small wonderful hospitality program and your son will gain lots of contacts in the industry. One of the core courses is taught by a leader from the Marriott Marquis and we do require internships too,” advised the head of the hospitality program. She seemed quite knowledgeable. (Again, another doubt had diminished.)

“No we won’t give your son any additional financial aid, but he is getting a significant grant,” said the financial aid advisor. (It is still going to be more expensive, but how much is my son’s happiness worth. I guess as a mother you could say it is priceless.)


“Do you still really want to do this?,” I asked D as we left P.U. and headed uptown to the train station home to N.J. (We stopped at the Momofuku Noodle Bar in the East Village between 10th and 11th Streets for lunch. It was sooooo good...very interesting ramen noodles. I highly recommend it.)

"I do, I do,” said D with a big smile. His face lit up. He was excited about making the change. He was courageous about making the change. He seemed fearless about making the change.

I thought about how much D has changed during this past year at W.U. I've always worried about him, but I realized that while he still has a lot more growing up ahead of him, he is ready for the BIG CITY change.

In some ways, I think it is me, his 50+ year old mother, who still has more letting go to do. Yes, all my doubts were satisfied during our visit to P.U. last week and it is now time for me to give the final ‘go ahead” and release D to the BIG CITY.

“I do hope he remembers all the steps to complete the process for his admissions,” I thought to myself yesterday as he began to fill out the acceptance forms. (Okay, I could not let go just yet. So, I wrote down all the steps he needed to take and told him to check them off – one by one. I wrote the steps – but it was his job to execute. And he did.)

Come September, my son D heads off to the BIG CITY (not too far from his sister A.) As for me, I’m sure I will learn to adjust and adapt to this new change. (I hope he will still answer the phone when I call him from Southern New Jersey to ask him how to turn on the DVD in my bedroom so I can watch a Blockbuster movie.)

I’m happy for him and very proud of him. It's not easy to say your college choice the first time around may not have been the right choice. For that matter, it is not easy at any age, to admit you’re unhappy and have the courage to make a change – especially when your unsupportive mother is not giving you the benefit of the doubt. But he did it.

I’m impressed with his readiness and eagerness to embrace the newness of it all. I have no doubt he is up for the change. But, what about me? Am I ready for the next phase of emptynesterness? I’m going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say 'yes.'

Come September, I will ride through the narrow streets of Chinatown again, like I did two years ago when I moved my daughter A into the summer dorms at NYU. I will deliver my son to his new crib in the BIG CITY. And then I will drive away, knowing that he will be okay and so will I.

Judi

A Good Summer So Far

I guess I could say that my summer of 2009 is shaping up to be a good summer so far. Yes, so far,it's been so good. Let's see, what's been so good, so far:

- So far, it's been so good that my little flowering plant that I bought in the spring still has a little flower blooming on one little stem. I am so proud of my green thumb, it is definitely getting better with age. And my watermelon plant continues to flourish too. Maybe I will have to go back to Smith & Hawkens and pick out an orchid next. Ooh that would be an adventure. I'll have to ask my green thumb and see if it is up to such a challenge. (Note: Just read that S&H closed up their website...hope their stores are still in business...these recessionary times are not helping matters.)

- So far, it's been so good that my bamboo in my backyard is behaving and letting my red maple tree come back to life with a lot of beautiful red leaves. I do like that tree and am so glad to see it survived after the trauma it went through last summer when it was surrounded by bamboo shoots.

- So far, it's been so good on the grilling front, too. Yes, I now know how to grill a steak (or rather a London Broil) on my Weber charcoal grill. I was very worried about my July 4th barbecue -- my son asked me to grill meat. I had never grilled meat before, that was always my late husband's job. He was the grill master and now I had to master the Weber.

"Can I grill this meat?" I asked the nice lady at the supermarket last Thursday. "Absolutely," she said as I looked at the London Broil in the refrigerated case. "Will this meat be tough on the grill?" I asked another nice lady as I picked up a package of the meat and put it back down. "It will be fine," she said, "I always marinate London Broil and it is delicious on the grill." I inched closer to the refrigerated case again and picked up a package of the meat again and put it back down again. As I moved away, the nice lady #1 came back over to me and gave me two packages of London Broil. "Take these," she said so sweetly, "marinate them and then grill them, I guarantee they will be delicious."

I was a serious grilling student. I bought teriyake marinade and marinated my London Broils for two whole days. Then I downloaded the Weber Grill instructions and read the directions cover to cover - where to put the charcoal, how to pile the charcoal, how long to wait for the charcoal to heat up, how long to cook a steak on each side depending on thickness. So glad my friend L was there to help me pile the charcoal (twice - we did it wrong the first time) and light the fire, and count the minutes until the London Broil was cooked to perfection. Not only was it so far, so good...but I used all the leftovers tonight to make a superb steak salad. And there is more London Broil left...I guess I didn't need so much meat after all.

- So far, it's been so good that I'm still dating L. I hope he still continues to want to see me, especially after I made him get all full of charcoal this past weekend.

- So far, it's been so good that the sun is shining again and the rain has subsided for awhile. I am determined to get an even tan this summer. I must get a new strapless bathing suit so that I don't have any strap marks when I wear my Nicole Miller strapless dress to my colleague's wedding later in August. I do hope I can still find a strapless bathing suit. I better hurry up and order that brown strapless suit I saw online on Lord & Taylor's website (so far, it's so good that they still have my size left in stock. It is the only size left and it is my size...so I guess I MUST hurry, hurry, hurry and buy it.)

Yes, despite the fact that I need a new roof on my house.

Despite the fact that weeds are starting to appear in the cracks and crevices of my stone walkway (even though I thought I paid a lot of money a year ago for the magical sand that was supposed to keep weeds away from my cracks and crevices forever...or so the trusted landscaper said and I regretfully believed him.)

And despite the fact that I'm still having many sleepless summer nights and emotional ups and downs due to my menopausal hormonal moments...

My summer of 2009 is shaping up to be so far, so good. Glad there are many more weeks left. Although, soon my August and September issues of Vogue and InStyle will arrive and then I'll start thinking about Fall. A new season will be here before I know it. I better hurry and buy that strapless bathing suit.

Judi