A Baby Boomer Woman's Life After 50

Becoming Stronger

2009-12-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

I've spent the past two years strengthening my life. Yes, since my husband passed away (it will be two years next week), and my kids have officially left the nest (well almost, the younger birdie tends to come back more often than the older one), I've had a chance to concentrate more on me, myself and I.

So, it was very fitting when the publicist for Marcus Buckingham, the author of "Find Your Strongest Life, What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently," contacted me and asked if I would like Marcus to write a guest post for my blog.

"Absolutely," I told the publicist, "but first I need to take The Strong Life Test and discover the role I was born to play, as Marcus' book says." At 50+, it's time to find out what my role in life is truly meant to be, and pay more attention to my strengths. I do want to be a happy woman during the second half of my life.

I heard Marcus speak at a recent women's conference this past October and loved his presentation on the topic. He described nine different life roles:

1. An Advisor is good at giving advice. (Am I good at giving advice? I do try to give advice to people.)
2. A Caretaker always wants to make sure that everyone is okay.(I must be a caretaker, I'm always trying to be inclusive.)
3. A Creator wants to understand, take notes. Marcus says creators like time for themselves and have the best conversations with themselves. (I must be a creator. I always talk to myself.)
4. A Motivator wants to raise the energy in the room. (Well, that's me. I like to pump up the volume when I'm in the room.)
5. An Influencer wants to move people to action. (That could be me too. I don't like to sit around. I like to execute and move people to act.)
6. An Equalizer sees the world as a whole and wants to do the right thing. An Equalizer is a passionate defender. (Hmm, am I an Equalizer?)
7. A Pioneer loves the new and has a strong tolerance for ambiquity. (Not me. I don't think dealing with ambiquity is one of my strengths.)
8. A Teacher asks 'how can I help others learn and grow?' (That's me. I like to teach others.)
9. A Weaver sees the world as a web of relationships and is always looking for what's best in other people. (Hmm, am I a Weaver?)

Once you discover your lead role and your supporting role, Marcus says you should follow your internal compass to live a stronger life.

I was intrigued by Marcus' perspectives and especially eager to take The Strong Life Test. I did. And guess what I found out? Surprise, surprise, surprise.

My lead role is 'Teacher.' A teacher 'begins by asking 'what can I learn by this?' My focus is instinctively toward the other person. Not her feelings, necessarily, but her understanding, her performance, her skills. (No wonder I have so many people on my gift-giving list. This fits me to a tee. Plus, I did get a degree in education more than 30 years ago, but I never did teach. Why didn't I teach? I can't remember! I like The Strong Life Test. Tell me more. Tell me more.)

My best quality is 'my faith in others.' (Yes, yes, yes. That's me. I have faith in others and usually in my eyes people are innocent until proven guilty, rather than guilty until proven innocent...like when my son went to a concert in NYC and didn't tell me.I told the person who snitched on him that he absolutely did not go to NYC to a concert without asking me first. Unfortunately, in this case, he was guilty of the act and did face a punishment.)

Tell me more. Tell me more. Oh no, a Teacher must be careful and not come to believe that everyone is capable of everything. (So true, so true.)

My supporting role is a Motivator. I knew it. I do raise the energy in the room. I do usually sense the energy in a room and feel compelled to do what I can to elevate it - just like The Strong Life Test says. Listen to this: It says that a Motivator is an instinctively optimistic person. (Yep, that's me.)

But what should a Motivator be careful of? Uh, oh. The Strong Life Test says that I should be careful that I don't get sucked dry by emotional vampires. (Yep, that's me. I do let all the vampires suck me dry. No wonder I like the Twilight movies.)

That was fun. I think I would like to have Marcus write a guest post for my blog. I'm going to ask him. Stay tuned. Maybe he will write it next week or the week after.

Judi

Holiday Giving

2009-12-01T18:29:00.000-08:00

It's December 1st. I better start my shopping or I won't get all the gifts for all the people on my list. I have 25 people on my list. Oops, now I have 26 people. I forgot to add my newspaper lady P. She is one of the most important people in my life. She delivers my newspaper before breakfast every morning. She is so prompt. I don't know what I would do if she quit the New York Times Home Delivery Service. I guess I would have to move back to NYC. P is definitely deserving of a BIG gift.

There's the exterminator man J. He is another important person in my life. He arrives the first Friday of every month to make sure there are no creepy crawlers in my house. He also does a good job of getting rid of the mice that like to sneak into my basement when it gets cold outside. The mice are quite cute, but I don't like when they decide to come inside my house. J is absolutely on my gift-giving list this year.

There's the postman D. He is so nice to me too. He always waves and says hello when I see him delivering my mail. And whenever I have a big package, he delivers it right to my door. I must remember to put a 'thank you' gift in the mailbox for D.

There's my house cleaner M. M arrives every other Tuesday and mops my floors and bathrooms, vaccuums my rugs, dusts. M keeps my house so nice and tidy. I love to come home after M has been at my house. It smells so fresh and clean. I'm going to give M an extra-special food basket to go along with her holiday gift.

"You love to give gifts," said my daughter A.

"I know," I replied. "It makes me happy."

"You can always give me a gift," said A.

"I know," I replied. "It makes me happy."

"You know mom, D (my son and her brother) doesn't think he is getting a Chanukah gift this year. He thinks that since you give him so much money for college that he is not deserving of any additional gift," said A.

"Of course, he will get a gift, but don't tell him. I want to surprise him," I said. "It makes me happy." (Hopefully, he is not reading my blog and doesn't find out that he is getting a gift. Shush, don't tell him!)

It's also time to make my yearly charitable donations and give to those who are most needy. There are so many in need this year. It's difficult to decide which organizations to give to. I wish I could give to all those in need, but then I would likely be more needy.

I always select four non-profit organizations, then I divide up my charitable funds accordingly. I think this year, I will give to the local Food Bank to help those who are hungry. I will make my second donation to the Boys and Girls Club in my area in honor of my late husband. The Boys and Girls Club is one of the organizations that the Yankees contribute to...and my late husband was a big Yankees' fan.

Let's see, ah yes, I must give my yearly gift to the Girl Scouts. I have such fond memories of scouting that I want to make sure their traditions continue. (What would life be without Girl Scout cookies...especially the Chocolate Mint ones?)

I'm going to make my last donation to some cause related to women's health. Yes, I want to help women in need this year.

I must go shopping for the family that I've adopted too. This year my adopted family asked for food and other household essentials instead of gifts.

My yoga teacher told me about a wonderful new book that was just published. And then I read about the same book in the newspaper today. It is called "29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life." It was written by Cami Walker, who has multiple sclerosis. Cami gave a gift each day for 29 days. Giving to others gave her a more positive outlook on life. According to the article in today's New York Times, Cami said that "It's about stepping outside of your own story long enough to make a connection with someone else. Giving for 29 days is not suggested as a cure for anything. It's simply a coping mechanism and a simple tool you can use that can help you change your thinking about whatever is going on. If you change your thinking, you can change your experience."

I don't know Cami, but I bet I would like her if I knew her. I'm definitely adding this book to my reading list. In fact, I'm going to buy it during one of my shopping trips over the next few weeks. It is not going on my retirement reading list. Nope, I'm going to read it before 2010.

Big gifts, little gifts, memorable gifts, something for all 26 on my list. I better get moving, there are only 10 days left before Chanukah and 24 days left before Christmas. Wonder if all this gift-giving will help ease my menopausal headaches?

Judi

Totally Organic

2009-11-22T19:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had a totally organic day, thanks to my fabulous totally organic facial. My esthetician D, took special care of me on Saturday morning because I was having one of my menopausal headaches (which I've been experiencing a lot lately.)

"I smell honey," I said to D. "What is that you are putting on my face?"

"It is totally organic blueberry honey. Honey puts moisture into the skin," D replied. "When you age you lose moisture." (It's a good thing there weren't any bees buzzing around my face. My face was soooo sweet. I always knew that blueberries provided lots of antioxidants when I ate them, but didn't know they could help enhance my face.)

"What's next?" I asked D, as she slathered another concoction on my sweet face.

"This is a plum anti-aging masque," said D. "It is totally organic."

I felt so healthy. I like to eat plums during the summertime. I especially like prune plums. But, I never knew that plums could contribute to anti-aging. (All I needed was some peaches and bananas and I could have had a fruit salad on my face.)

D also massaged my neck and back to try to lull my headache. I told her all about my menopausal woes that are starting to invade my 50+ year old body - the mood swings, hot flashes, insominia, and headaches. D is so thoughtful and always has recommendations to help me heal. Today's recommendations were totally organic.

"Try Rescue Remedy," said D. "Just a few droplets in your water and it will help you de-stress. It's totally organic." She also suggested I try acupuncture and gave me the name of a licensed acupuncturist. (Ooh, acupuncture...I don't know about putting needles in my head or back. Dare I try this? Will it clear up my menopausal mess? Yes, no, yes, no. I think I am going to research this suggestion a little further.)

As for the Rescue Remedy, I left my facial and went straight to Whole Foods to search for the totally organic droplets. I couldn't believe how many totally organic menopausal solutions were on the shelf. Since my headache was pounding at full strength, I was ready to buy one of each kind...but I stopped myself and decided to see if the Rescue Remedy would rescue me, before pursuing other options.

I passed the flower section as I headed to the checkout and picked up some huge sunflowers. "They will perk up my day," I thought to myself. So I bought two bundles.

I came home and put a few droplets of my Rescue Remedy in my water. Then I had some totally organic Yogi tea that I had bought at the store the day before. According to the Yogi tea box, the tea is supposed to calm tension and anxiety. It includes lavender on the ingredient list, so I decided to try it.*

I finished reading my relaxing book, "Yiddish Yoga - Ruthie's Adventures in Love, Loss, and the Lotus Position." It's all about a recently widowed New York City Jewish grandmother whose granddaughter gives her a year of yoga class. What a wonderful little book. (It was only 110 pages, so I was able to read the entire book, including the Yiddish and Yoga glossary of terms, in less than an hour, as I sipped my Yogi tea. One less book for my retirement reading list.)

Ah, Ommmmmmmmm, Ah, Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I also decided that I need to read more about what's in store for me during menopause. Where is that other big book I bought? Ah, yes, "The Wisdom of Menopause," by Christiane Northrup, M.D. Oh, no. Oh, no. This book is going to be my bible for the next several years and I found it on my retirement reading bookshelf. Not a good spot, I need to read it now. Now, now, now. I need all the wisdom I can get right now, whether it is totally organic or not. Show me the wisdom Christine. Now, now, now.

Judi

Disclaimer: While I may try these herbal remedies, I do not endorse any of them or their proclaimed cures for menopause or any menopausal symptoms. Try at your own risk.

Forever Young

2009-11-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

I'm always eager to learn ways to look younger. That's why I was keenly interested in the beauty feature in this month's InStyle magazine on "10 Ways to Look 5 Years Younger." So, what did the 10 beauty tips say? And if I follow them, will I look like I'm 46 instead of 51?

1. Brighten Up with Concealer - According to the makeup artist Mally Roncal, who is quoted in the story, if you use concealer "People will start asking who your surgeon was." (Yes, I do use concealer under my eyes every day. However, no one has ever asked me who my surgeon was...which is good because I don't have one.)

2. Be Careful With Color - By color, they mean hair color. According to New York colorist Louis Licari, who is quoted in the story, "If you over-highlight your blond hair, you lose the golden tones that keep it looking youthful and pretty. And hair that is dyed too dark is unnatural." (I am careful with my hair color. I have a fabulous colorist who puts just the right amount of highlights in my hair and doesn't dye my hair too dark either. Ah, glad I am complying with Lou's suggestions.I agree with you Lou. I do. I do.)

3. Perk Up A Saggy Butt - This tip says that 'our bottoms tend to be less buoyant as we age...gravity pulls them down.' Susie Crippen of J Brand, says to "check the label of every pair of jeans before buying to make sure they have at least 2 percent stretch, like Lycra. Pants with more than 98 percent cotton can stretch out as soon as you wear them." (Wait, J Brand is the brand of jeans that my daughter A raves about. I should listen to Susie, she must be smart when it comes to perking up saggy butts. I do love my Not Your Daughter's Jeans which also perk up my butt.)

4. Shine On - This tip says that years of blow-drying and styling our hair can leave it lackluster...that adding conditioning gloss or a shine serum can help hair sparkle. (I'll have to try the conditioning gloss. As for the shine serum, I already have that product in my repertoire of haircare products and it seems to weigh my hair down rather than sparkle it up.)

5. Find the Perfect Bra - According to New York stylist Annabel Tollman, "A good bra elevates your chest to a higher altitude, giving you a longer, slimmer-looking waist." (Hmm, hmm, maybe I will have to listen to Annabel and go to Victoria's Secret and buy one of those new Miraculous bras.)

6. Give Some Lip Service - This tip says that our lips lose volume as we get older and that dark matte lipsticks accentuate our aging lips. It says to switch to pink gloss to look younger. (Okay, after I go to Victoria's Secret to get my new perfect bra, I'm going to go to MAC and buy some 'pink gloss' for my lips.)

7. Fake An Eye Lift - Ooh, ooh, I think I am practicing this tip already. Yes, I am. I put my eye makeup on just like the tip that N.Y.C. makeup artist Paula Dorf says. Sorry Paula, I learned this tip from the MAC makeup lady when she did my colors several years ago. I think it was when I was 5 years younger and I'm still practicing this tip. I do 'use a light-colored shadow near my lash line and a deeper shade in an arc above the crease where my lid is dropping.'

8. Get A Little Cheeky - The Beverly Hills plastic surgeon Gabriel Chiu says that "as we age the fat pads in our cheeks fall" and that to defy nature you can either get a filler or you can use a bright pink blush, which illuminates the cheekbone and draws the eye upward." (No fillers for me. I'm not putting any fillers in my cheekbones. And I've tried bright pink blush once before and it doesn't look good on my cheeks. Guess I won't be practicing this tip. I wonder, if each tip is worth .5 years and I practice all the other nine tips, will I look 4.5 years younger? You think?)

9. Lose the Powder Makeup - Paula Dorf says that "As you get older and your skin produces less oil, dewy makeup is more flattering." (No wonder why the makeup artist at Bobbie Brown recommended that I start using an oil based foundation when I had my 50th birthday makeover. It's been almost two years since I had my 50th birthday makeover and I've been practicing this tip ever since.)

10. Mix Things Up - This final tip says to "always throw in something unexpected, like messy hair, a casual jacket, or flats with a fancy dress." (I can do messy hair, I have several casual jackets in my closet. I don't like flats with a fancy dress, they tend to make my pear-shaped body look more hippy. Personally, I like pumps with a fancy dress or a sandal.)

My yoga teacher N, also had a few yogi cures for aging that she shared with us during tonight's yoga class:

Yogi cure #1 - The first yogi cure for aging is to do a 10 minute inversion every day. An inversion can be a head stand, or a hand stand, or the dead bug pose (which is my favorite. I look like an upside down dead cockroach when I do this pose.)

Yogi cure #2 - Massage your face outward every night. Start at the top or bottom of your face and stimulate your skin and then put your moisturizer on your face. Stretch out your neck too by pulling your face forward. (This will add an extra step to my evening skincare ritual, but I'll try it if it will help me stay forever young.)

If I can find 10 more beauty tips to help me look younger, I wonder if I can look 10 years younger? Wait a minute...wait a minute. How does the chorus in the "Forever Young" song go? Think I need to stop, breathe, and sing...

Forever young,
I wanna be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever and ever
Forever young I wanna be
Forever young
Do you really want to live forever?
Forever, forever

Judi

Fading Away and Starting ANEW

2009-11-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

I'm back to work. My staycation is over. Glad that stressful week is behind me.

I'm sleeping better. My shoulder muscles are less tense. (Of course, it could be due to my weekly massages, they are likely helping. Thank you to my massage therapist D. You are so helpful.) Will have to see what my chiropractor says about the muscles in the lower half of my body when I visit Dr. A tomorrow. The muscles in my backside (which I didn't even know existed) were very tense during last week's office visit while I was on my staycation.

Now that I'm back to my normal high powered work routine, I seem to be much better.

I'm rising early when the alarm goes off at 6:00 am. Showering and putting on all my face creams. While I was on my staycation I went to see my esthetician D to get my eyebrows waxed. While I was there, I talked to D about all the dark brown spots that seem to be cropping up on my face lately.

"Soon I will have 50+ spots on my face to match my age," I told D. "And I'll look like a brown and beige dalmatian."

"It's your beach house that's causing those extra spots," said D. "Too much fun and sun. You need to use more sunscreen when you are out in the sun." (My condo on the corner at the shore is a major contributor to brown spots on my 50+ year old face. How can this be? I love my condo on the corner.)

I always thought that a good moisturizer with SPF 30 was enough sunscreen. All summer long, I never put extra sunscreen on my face. Uh oh! And I didn't use a hat either because I don't like flat hair. And my super duper beach chair with the awning didn't work too well, so my face did get a lot of exposure to the sun. Uh oh, uh oh!

"Not to worry," said D. "I have a new all natural skincare treatment from Osmosis called Enlighten that can help fade those spots. You just use a little bit each morning and again at night before you go to bed."

I was on my staycation, so $50 for a 1 ounce bottle didn't seem too steep a price to pay to help my brown spots fade away. Plus, D gave me a free sample of Osmosis' sunscreen. (What a bargain this turned out to be, free sunscreen included.) However, I didn't think about what this extra step would do to my morning and evening skincare regimen.

Then an email arrived from the public relations woman from Avon. "Avon is introducing a landmark discovery to reactivate the skin's repair process to help women reverse the look of wrinkles," said the press release.

Reverse wrinkles. Are you talking to me? Are YOU talking to ME? ARE YOU...ARE YOU...ARE YOU...TALKING TO ME?

We'll send you a sample said the nice PR woman.

"Sure I'll try your new ANEW Reversalist Serum and Night Cream," I wrote back. I am always on the lookout for new anti-wrinkle creams. I wasn't thinking about what these extra two steps would do to my morning and evening skincare regimen - I was on my staycation.

I have such a busy morning and evening skincare regimen that I almost didn't have time for breakfast this morning. I had to dot my spots so my brown spots would fade and then follow up with the new serum (over time, it says that 88% of women agreed that their skin looked dramatically younger after using this serum...hmm, hmm, I guess it is worth the time...I hope my skin will look younger). Then I had to put on my regular moisturizer on top of the other creams and then brush on my foundation and apply my under-eye concealer (which is especially needed due to the lack of sleep since my evening skincare regimen now takes quite a bit longer before bedtime too), and powder my face.

"Your skin looks good," said a colleague at work today. And well it should, I thought to myself, and well it should.

Ooh, ooh, it's 11:20 pm and I have much to do before I hit my pillow. Speaking of my pillow, I think all this skin cream and serum is ending up on my pillow as I toss and turn each night. My pillow definitely may end up being more wrinkle and brown spot free than I am. If my face doesn't look better after the next several weeks, at least my bed linens will be nice and smooth.

Judi

P.S. - Coming soon is my new review site titled: A Baby Boomer Girl's Raves, Rants, and Reviews. I'll let you know as soon as it's ready.

Taking the Stress Out of Staycation

2009-11-03T16:08:00.000-08:00

I read about staycations where you take a vacation and you stay home. It sounded like a fun idea. So, this week I decided to take a staycation. The only thing is, while I am supposed to be relaxing, I seem to have packed my staycation with more things to do than I would if I had vacated my house and taken a vacation.

Every time I add to my staycation 'to do' list, I keep telling myself - "STOP DOING AND START BEING," "RELAX," "CHANT OMMMMMs," "RELAX," "STOP DOING," "START BEING."

"Stay, stay, stay," I said to myself this morning as I lifted my head off the pillow at 7:30 am. I did feel like I was talking to myself the way my friend talks to her dog. Only my friend's dog listens and stays when he is told. Not me, staying in bed and relaxing is not one of my strengths.

Yesterday, I awoke early and headed to my condo on the corner, for the first appointments on my staycation 'to do' list. The cable man fixed my television and internet. The heater man arrived to service my heater. I called the alarm installer to discuss installing an alarm system. I called the landscaper to discuss potential landscaping work. (Check, check, check, check - that's four checks off my staycation 'to do' list and it's only Monday. I'm doing really well.)

"STOP DOING AND START BEING," I yelled out loud. After all the workmen were finished with their work, I relaxed for a few hours on the couch, sipped some of my Dunkin Donuts Decaf Vanilla Lite Latte, and watched the morning talk shows that I never get to watch when I'm working. There was Regis and Kelly, and the girls from The View. (Okay, okay, I half relaxed. I also was multi-tasking and sending emails to some of my friends who I haven't talked to in a long, long time. Check, check, check - another three checks off my staycation 'to do' list. Oh, I'm so good.)

"STOP DOING AND START BEING," I shouted this morning. I went to the gym and lifted my weights. Then I went to a lunchtime yoga class. (Check, check - getting back to the gym and going to yoga are both on my staycation 'to do' list.)

Next, it was off to the cleaners and tailor to have my skirts hemmed. (Check, check.) And then I headed to my appointment with my financial advisor for my annual financial check-up.

"You're in good shape. Nothing to worry about Judi," he said, "Your accounts are all doing better this year." (OMG, thank you, thank you. Check plus.)

What else is on my staycation 'to do' list? Hmm,hmm, hmm, hmm!

- Clean out my closets and bring the old clothes and shoes and accessories to GoodWill.
- Wash my king-size comforter that is on my king-size bed.
- Shred my old documents that are mounting up in my filing cabinet.
- Clean out all the emails that are overflowing in my inbox.
- Paint the blue trim on the bottom of my front door that is chipping. (First go to Home Depot and buy a paint brush. Actually buy two paint brushes because I also need to paint the white trim on the back door that is chipping.)
- Read all the magazines that are piling up on my counter. (I just finished reading the October issues of Vogue, More, and In Style magazines and now the November issues are here already. Wish these months would start slowing down instead of racing away. I think time definitely races faster since I turned 50.)

I arrived ahead of schedule for my massage this evening.

"You're early," said my massage therapist as she answered the door.

"I'm on staycation," I said.

"That's right," she said, "Your staycation is this week."

"Your muscles are so tight," said my massage therapist as she began to massage my neck and shoulders. "I don't know about that staycation, you seem very stressed. Perhaps you should go back to work."

She was right, I am more stressed staying home. Tomorrow, I'm going to really, really start relaxing for the rest of my staycation. No more 'to do' list for me. I'm putting my staycation 'to do' list away.(Check minus, minus, minus.)

It's staycation...time to stay, stay, stay Judi...stay, stay, stay put.

Plan for Wednesday's Staycation:
- Stay in bed all morning and watch all the morning talk shows. Maybe even have breakfast in bed. Ooh, la, la.
- Have lunch with my girlfriend C.
- Have afternoon coffee with my other girlfriend C.
- Have dinner with my boyfriend L.
- Watch the Yankees win the World Series. (Yankees win the World Series is on my staycation 'to do' list. I hope they heard me, because I want this check to be in the affirmative.)

Plan for Thursday's Staycation:
- Stay in bed all morning and watch the morning talk shows. Maybe even have breakfast in bed again. Ooh, la, la, x two. (Can I do this? Will I have ooh, la, la twice in one week? Stay, stay, stay.)
- Get a manicure (maybe a mani and a pedi too, after all, I'm on staycation.)
- Stay put on couch all afternoon. Catch up with tv girlfriends. "Hi Ellen, hi Oprah, can't wait to see ya."

Glad I planned a little two day vacation in NYC for the end of the week. I really need to get away.

Judi

My Middle Aged Middle

2009-10-27T19:24:00.000-07:00

I watched Wanda Skyes special on HBO a few weeks ago. She is a very funny lady. I especially could relate when she talked about her 'Esther.' 'Esther' is the rolls that have started to appear around her aging stomach and abs.

Like Wanda, I have an 'Esther,' however, I think I'll call my rolls around my aging stomach and abs -'Ethel.' Wanda says her 'Esther' craves bread and drinks. And she doesn't like to be put into Spanx.

My 'Ethel' doesn't like Spanx either. Ooh no, Spanx are not fun for my 50+ year old body. I tried a pair on one time and could not sit down. That's when my 'Ethel' was smaller than she is now. I'm sure she would not like to be squeezed into a Spanx ever again.

My 'Ethel' craves black and white cookies from the local deli. She also craves pasta and like Wanda's 'Esther,' my 'Ethel' craves bread too, especially when it is freshly baked warm bread or rolls in a basket at a restaurant with flavored olive oil for dipping.

My 'Ethel' is looking forward to Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays and I think it is one of 'Ethel's' favorite holidays too. My 'Ethel' always shows up after Thanksgiving, after I have eaten my sister-in-law's wonderful calorie laden, high-fat stuffing (made with Pepperidge Farm stuffing - and lots of butter - OMG it is soooooo good). My 'Ethel' usually likes to pack in the pies on Thanksgiving. Although, this year I was considering making apple, pear or berry cobblers or betties instead of pies. My 'Ethel' may not be as happy without the thick pie crust...but a fruit dessert without the pie crust might help me to better manage my friend (or foe) 'Ethel.'

I do try to exercise 'Ethel' away. But, the past few years, she doesn't seem to want to disappear. Maybe as I strengthen my core with my yoga practices, 'Ethel' will go on an extended vacation. Or maybe not. I just may be stuck with my middle aged middle for the rest of my life. My pear-shaped body isn't going to turn into an apple or an hour-glass any time soon...if ever.

The zen card I selected at my yoga class tonight was 'happiness.' It said that 'happiness comes from within and that no one or thing can take it away.'

Did you hear that 'Ethel?' I'm 50+ and my happiness comes from within...whether you decide to hang out or hide out around my stomach and abs for the rest of my life. You cannot take away my happiness. It's here to stay. And as another one of my favorite female comedians Lily Tomlin always says, 'and that't the truth!'

Judi

Dreaming of Nightingales

2009-10-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

I was dreaming last night…dreaming of nightingales. I was dreaming that nightingale birds flew over my face and pooped on it. And after they pooped on my face it was all shiny and bright and I looked 10 years younger.

I was dreaming about nightingales because on Saturday, my daughter A and I had our Geisha Facials at the Shizuka New York Day Spa in NYC. The Geisha Facials are famous because they include a special natural ingredient – nightingale droppings.

Who would have thought that bird poop could do wonders for my face? And at 50+ years old, I am willing to try anything to perk up my wrinkles and improve my skin. Sooooooo, when A called to ask if I wanted to go to Shizuka for their famous Bird Poop facial for only $50 during NYC Spa Week, I signed up right away.

“Victoria Beckham gets these facials and they are usually $180,” said A. “They must be good.”

“Victoria Beckham gets these facials? Wow, and they are only $50 this weekend. Make the reservation,” I said to A, “Sign me up, I’m ready to be a Geisha. I want porcelain skin just like a Geisha.”

As I lay down and readied for my treatment, I was relaxed and released. (Although, I was disappointed not to get a Japanese robe to put on like it said in the Shizuka brochure. Instead the esthetician put a towel around my neck to cover my shirt and gave me a paper cap to cover my hair.)

First she wiped off my skin and then it was time...time for the bird poop.

"I'm putting nightingale droppings on your face now," said the esthetician. (I almost started to laugh as she put the droppings on my face. I knew the facial included bird poop, but I wasn't sure exactly what kind of bird poop it would be. I was so glad to find out that it was poop from beautiful nightingale birds and not from NYC pigeons. I don't like pigeon poop, not in my hair, which has happened to me before in NYC as the pigeons fly overhead, and especially not on my face.)

According to the Shizuka New York Day Spa website, nightingale droppings "were once only known to kabuki dancers and the Geishas themselves. Geishas found that regular nightingale droppings facials could be used not only to remove makeup but to brighten, heal and retexturize the skin due to their natural enzymes and guanine, which imparts a pearly luster to the skin. At the Shizuka Spa this ancient and prized Geisha beauty secret is artfully revived. The droppings are perfectly safe to use on facial skin and are sanitized through exposure to ultraviolet light before being milled to a fine powder. Shizuka mixes the nightingale droppings with delicate Japanese rice bran to enhance its inherent exfoliating and facial lightening properties."

After the exfoliating bird poop, the esthetician used a tool to extract the excess oil in my skin. Then she used a seaweed mask to calm down my skin. She finished off the facial with a lovely coating of lavender oil. (Oh, how I love lavender oil. In fact, my lovely boyfriend L bought me my very own bottle of lavender oil at Whole Foods. I really wanted the lavender oil to mix with my Epsom salts to add to my bath, but now I may also start smoothing it over my face each night. It is heavenly and helps me relax before bedtime. In fact, maybe I should get some nightingale birds to sing me to sleep too. Yes, I bet if I had nightingale birds around my house, I might sleep better. And, then I could create my own nightingale bird poop to put on my face...just like a Geisha. Wonder where I can purchase some of those birds?)

I definitely was glowing after my Geisha facial. My face felt like porcelain, just like a Geisha. "You have very nice skin," said the esthetician as she led me out to the waiting area. "I do? Really? Well, thank you, " I replied, as I thought about all the various anti-wrinkle creams I've applied to my face over the years. Maybe these creams are making a difference.

I will definitely go back to Shizuka Day Spa again. And I might just treat myself to the full-priced Geisha facial next time around, especially since they would not let me use my Spa-finder Gift Certificate that I had won at the BlogHer conference last summer. I may just have to go back to Shizuka and put my $100 gift certificate towards another Geisha facial.

A and I left the spa and headed off to Loehmann's for another mother-daughter bonding experience. My feet were so sore by the time we arrived back to A's apartment later that night. I could have used a foot massage by the end of the day. I think I likely had stepped in some pigeon poop during our three mile walk up and back, but it didn't do anything to my feet. Wish those NYC pigeons were like nightingale birds and provided some health benefits instead of being so annoying. Maybe then my feet wouldn't hurt so badly.

Like the poet Lord Byron, I think I do now have a special affinity for the nightingale:

It is the hour when from the boughs
The nightingale's high note is heard;
It is the hour when lovers' vows
Seem sweet in every whispered word;
And gentle winds, and waters near,
Make music to the lonely ear.
Each flower the dews have lightly wet,
And in the sky the stars are met,
And on the wave is deeper blue,
And on the leaf a browner hue,
And in the heaven that clear obscure,
So softly dark, and darkly pure.
Which follows the decline of day,
As twilight melts beneath the moon away.
- Lord Byron

Could someone tell the NYC pigeons to fly south and send back some nightingales in their place?

Judi

Keeping the Engine Running

2009-10-14T18:25:00.000-07:00

I had plans to have a quiet evening last night. I promptly left work at the end of the day and was going to go to my Gentle Yoga class to stretch, chant my 'Om's," and take time for namaste meditation.

Unfortunately, my car's engine did not want me to relax last night. While I was driving home, having my usual conversation with my mom in Flo-ree-da, a little red light started to blink.

Blink, blink, blink.

It looked like a genie bottle with a drip coming out of the spigot. "Uh,oh. Uh, oh," I said to my mom, "Gotta go, gotta go, a red light is blinking in my car." "Okay," said my mom. "Be careful and take care of yourself. Call me later and let me know what happens."

I hate when red lights light up in the car that are not supposed to light up. I don't know ANYTHING about red genie bottles, especially red genie bottles on my dashboard. I started to get scared as I drove home, hoping that my car would not heat up or start smoking. Luckily, I made it to my driveway without any fire or smoke. I quickly opened the glove compartment and pulled out the car manual and searched for the meaning of the little red genie bottle.

Oh, good, I found it! Page 62.

Then I read it! "If a little red genie bottle lights up, immediately stop the car and pull over. There is a problem with your oil and if the little red genie bottle is on you could do serious damage to the engine of your car."

OMG, OMG! I could have ruined my engine. I hate when things go wrong with my car.

I quickly called the Honda service department and asked the service rep what to do. "Check the oil level, if it is low or leaking and you have driven your car while the little red genie light was on you could have done serious damage to the engine." (That's the same thing the manual said I thought. What a smart service man he is.) "I think you may want to get the car towed to our service station," he added.

Towed, towed, towed!

My poor sick car. (Actually, before I called Honda or the Geico Emergency Service to order the tow truck, I called my boyfriend L and asked him to come right over. Actually, actually, I called him twice to come RIGHT over now, now, now. Such a nice boyfriend. He did. He did. He did come RIGHT over and helped me check the oil dip stick - which was bone dry. Uh,oh. Oh,no. Uh,oh. Oh,no...this was not only distressing, it could be dangerous to my engine.)

"You know when your blood pressure is not working right in your body, it's pretty serious," said E, the nice Honda service rep when we arrived at the service station. "It's the same thing with your oil, it's the lubricant in your car and if there is no oil it is not a good thing. It keeps the engine going."

Yes, E, the nice Honda service rep was very smart. He knew a lot more about cars than I did...and more than I will ever know or understand. I was glad to leave my sick car in his hands. Of course, I was very worried about my car's engine too.

I called my mom back once I arrived home and told her what happened.

"I could have ruined my engine, I had no oil in the car," I said.

"Don't you have the gas attendant check your oil every time you get gas?" asked my mom. "I always used to have the oil checked...all the time,all the time," she said. "Judi, why don't you have your oil checked?"

I proceeded to tell my mom that these days I'm lucky if the gas attendant pumps gas into my car. They don't wash windows or check oil. Maybe they did 20 years ago when my dad was alive, but not any more.

"You're right," I replied. "You are absolutely right. I will always check my oil from now on," I answered as a dutiful fiftysomething daughter should answer her mom.

The Honda service rep called this morning. "Good news,no engine damage," he said, "Your oil gasket was loose and we fixed it, changed the oil, put a few hoses in and your cars running like new."

"Aaaaaaaaah,Ommmmmmmm,Aaaaaaaaah,Ommmmmmmmmm," I clasped my hands in namaste prayer and breathed a big sigh of relief. My car's engine is safe and sound and still running.

And so am I.

Judi

Knishes and Skee Ball

2009-10-05T14:43:00.000-07:00

I went to see Billy Crystal's show '700 Sundays' this weekend (courtesy of my boyfriend L...thank you L, you are so sweet to have taken me to such a wonderful show). And it was truly wonderful. It was all about Billy's 700 Sundays with his dad and all about his crazy Jewish family.

Since Billy grew up in the Bronx and Long Beach, NY (primarily Long Beach), I could totally identify with him - so much, so much - even though he is about 10 years older than me. There were many comical jokes and vignettes. It made me want to go back to the Long Beach boardwalk where, like Billy, I spent many a summer in the 60s.

It's amazing how 40+ years have passed, but I can still close my eyes and picture my Long Beach summers:

- I remember the fabulous knishes from Izzy's Knishes. Izzy made the absolutely BEST knishes. I remember the cherry cheese knishes - they were my favorite. My dad loved the kasha knishes and the potato knishes were pretty good too. These knishes weren't your square boring potato knishes that you find in the supermarket today, not like the big round knishes at NY delis either. No, Izzy's knishes were rectangular and melted in your mouth. Ooh, I wish I could have a warm cherry cheese knish from Izzy's Knishes RIGHT NOW!

- I remember the lemon water ices from Kalin's ice and custard stand. I liked the rainbow ices too. I would lick the ices and in the warm summer nights the ice would melt all over my hands because the pleated white cups they were in would get all soft and leak. Then I'd have to find a water fountain to wash my sticky hands that were all full of sugar water. I still loved getting ices.

- I remember the skee ball at Faber's Arcade. I loved to play skee ball (even though I wasn't very good at skee ball) and collect the tickets all summer long so I could redeem them for a silly prize like a set of jacks or a small stuffed animal. I never had enough tickets for one of those large stuffed animals.

- I loved to go on the rides too. Oh, how I loved when my relatives visited on Saturday nights and we walked on the boardwalk and my mom and dad let my cousins and my sister and me go on the rides near the amusement area. I remember the little boats that we climbed into - each of us had a seat - and the boats went round and round. I always wanted to go again, and again, but we had just a few tickets and had to pick and choose our rides very carefully. The ferris wheel was fun too, except when I got stuck on the top because they had to let someone off at the bottom. That was very, very scary.

- I remember eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on the beach. Or should I say, peanut butter, jelly and sand sandwiches on the beach? They were the best kind of sandwiches, squishy and flat from the heat on what sometimes appeared to be purple Wonder bread from all the Welches grape jelly that had soaked through the white bread.

- I remember my mom basking in the sun (unfortunately no one knew about SPF in those days and later in life my mom ended up with melanoma). I remember my dad loading on Bain de Soliel suntan lotion - sometimes he looked like he was lit up with orange grease.

Yes, those were the good old summer days. I may have to take a trip back to Long Beach, NY sometime. Although, I doubt it will be the same now that I'm fiftysomething. But, if I could find knishes like Izzy made...well it might get darn close.

Judi

Getting Ready for the Next Phase of My Life

2009-09-29T15:48:00.000-07:00

Fall started last week. I can tell the fall season is here. The leaves are falling. Yes, the leaves are falling all over my lawn. The squirrels are climbing on my trees and chewing up the acorns and the branches of the trees are falling too. The branches are falling all over my lawn too.

I used to run out and pick up all the leaves and branches, but this year I'm too busy getting my house ready for fall. I have my new roof, my new heater. Soon I will have my new garage door and garage door opener. And the foundation work will eventually be fixed as well. And then I'll fix the deck after the contractors pull up the deck boards when they reinforce the foundation in the back wall.

Maybe once I finish investing the rest of what seems like half my savings into my house, it will be time to move on. Yes, maybe once I accomplish the other 13 - 20 items on the 'before I sell my house list' it will be time to move on...to move on and move out and really start the next phase of my fiftysomething life.

Am I scared to move on? Yes, yes, yes. No, no, no, no. (I count three yes's and four no's. The no's win.)

Am I ready to move on? No,no,no. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. (I count three no's and five yes's. The yes's win.)

"But you can't move now?" said my son. "You don't want to move now," said my daughter. "It's not a good time to move now," said my mom, "the housing market is depressed." (Sounds like three 'no' votes to me?)

Can I empower myself and make it happen? Yes, yes, yes, yes. No,no. Yes, yes, yes. No, no. (Let's see. That's seven yes's and four no's. The yes's win again.)

What will it take for me to empower myself and make it happen? A little push? No, no, no. (Three no's this time. Uh, oh.)

A BIG SHOVE? Yes, yes, yes. (Three yes's. Shoving it is.)

Can I let go of the smell that lingers in my late husband's closet? Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. (Three yes's and two no's. The yes's win.)

"It's almost two years since your husband passed away," said a friend, "It's time to let go and get ready for the next phase of your life." (Another 'yes.')

I did some fall cleaning last week. I cleaned out the last few clothes that have been hanging in my late husband's closet...the clothes that I wasn't ready to give away two years ago. (Okay, I left a few old Yankee tees to give to my son...and possibly my grandson if I ever have one. And I will be sure to pack them away when I eventually pack up the rest of my boxes for a potential move.)

It's fall and the leaves are falling and I'm getting closer to getting ready to move on to the next phase of my life. I even went online last night and took a peek at some townhouses. I found one that had a BIG JACUZZI BATHTUB. Ooh, ahh, ooh, ahh. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. (I count five yes's and two oohs, and two ahhs.)

Sounds to me like I'm getting pretty close to moving ahead? But, songwriter Phyllis Molinary's words say it best:

"I had my share, I drank my fill
And even though I'm satisfied, I'm hungry still
To see what's down another road, beyond a hill
And do it all again"

Do you know what? My favorite Barbara just recorded this song for her new album. OMG. Take a listen, I think she is singing "Here's to Life" to me. Oh, Barbara even though you did not invite me to the Village Vanguard the other night to hear you sing, I forgive you and I will still buy your new album because I just LOVE this song.

Judi

I've Got The Power

2009-09-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

I saw Suze Orman speak last week at the Pennsylvania Governor's Conference for Women. I had never heard Suze Orman speak before. Never read any of her books. Never watched her television show. But, after one presentation I was hooked. She was so motivating, especially to women...and not just young women...but women of all ages.

As Suze said, "we get better with age." According to Suze, the average talk show host is 57 years old. (Does that mean I still have six more years to become a talk show host? Maybe once I write my book and become famous then I can become a talk show host. Maybe if I write my book and then have a talk show, I can invite Richard Gere as a guest. Ooh, that sounds like good motivation to get my book out of draft mode and into serious edit mode.)

What else did Suze say to the thousands of women who attended the conference? She had a lot more advice:

- Suze says that "the only thing that keeps us down is the ability to believe in ourselves." (Sometimes, okay oftentimes, I don't believe in myself. But, I'm getting better at believing...especially since I turned the BIG 50. It was like I hit a magic number that changed my 'believing' genes.)

- Suze says that "women take care of everyone and everything except ourselves." (Suze is sooooooooo right on this point. I do take care of everyone...always thinking of everyone first, especially my kids - even though they should be taking care of themselves now that they are all grown up. And I do take care of everything - my house is a really BIG EVERYTHING lately. I have to start refocusing on me.)

- Suze says that "you have to learn to give to yourself as much as you give to others." (Suze is right again. So glad I took time out for myself last Sunday afternoon and went to Lord & Taylor to purchase another pair of my favorite Not Your Daughter's Jeans. I also tried to purchase a leopard belt so I would be trendy for the first day of fall, which is today, but they didn't have any leopard belts in my size. I will just have to take more 'timeouts for me' and keep hunting for my leopard belt.)

- Suze says "Power attracts money and when you are powerlessness you repel money." She says that "Power attracts people. People control money. Power attracts money." (Suze is right again. Now I just have to practice exuding more power when I walk into a room, just like Suze says. Then maybe I will attract more money.)

- Suze says that "fear, shame and anger are three obstacles to power and money." (Yes, yes, and yes - I carry all those emotions and they do weigh me down.)

- Suze says that "we say no to ourselves, but yes to others including yes to our kids, our spouses, our coworkers. What we think, what we feel, what we do, must all be aligned." (I agree with Suze. However, sometimes what I think and feel don't always match up with what I do. Note to self to practice this alignment. Wonder if yoga will help with my alignment?)

- Suze says that "the economy is no excuse for who we believe we are." (So who else should I blame if not the economy that has drained out my 401K and other assets?)

According to Suze, there are key things I should be doing with the money I am making...and they are:

1. Have an eight month emergency fund. (I agree and I do.)

2. Get out of credit card debt. (I agree. No debt for me.)

3. Save for retirement and sign up for your company's 401K, especially if they have a match. (I agree and I did.)

4. Have a will and trust. (Yes, yes, I do, I do.)

5. Tell your children 'no,' save more for retirement instead of putting more money in a 529 account to pay for all their college expenses. (Okay, I don't want to talk about this step right now...especially since my son seems to be so happy in NYC even though it is costing me mega bucks to send him to college.)

"People first, powerful people first, then money, then things we need and want," Suze says.

Ooh Suze, ooh Suze...you are so motivating. I've got the power to be powerful, to attract people, to attract money. I do. I do. Well, at least right now I do believe I have the power. But, how can I ensure that this feeling doesn't diminish?

Ooh, maybe I should post your words up under my bathroom lights so I can read them every morning when I put on my makeup and lipstick before I leave the house for work. Yes, yes, yes, that's exactly what I think I'll do.

Judi

Fiftysomething Fall Fashionista

2009-09-15T18:25:00.000-07:00

Now that I've taken care of most of my household chores and fixes and made the transitional move from my summer closet to my fall closet, I'm ready to do some fall shopping to cover my fiftysomething body. As you may know if you have been reading my blog, I have been reading all the fall fashion magazines to find out ALL the hot trends and see what I need to purchase to be a 'fiftysomething fall fashionista.'

Let's see, I read the 584 pages of the September issue of Vogue. I read the huge volune of the September issue of InStyle. I read the New York Times 5th Anniversary Issue of "T" Fashions of the Times. I read the Saks Fifth Avenue ad about the 'most mesmerizing trends' that arrived in their stores. I read Loehmann's promotional flyer that included the 'it' list of 'must have trends for fall!'

Sooooooooo, now that I have read ALL about ALL the fashion trends for fall and cleaned out my closet of ALL my old fall clothes which I must now take to Goodwill or donate to Image & Attitude (so others less fortunate can have their pick of prior years' trends), I'm ready to go shopping.

Hmm, hmm, hmm. What fall trends do I foresee will look good on my fiftysomething body?

Saks Fifth Avenue "Want It" List

-Forever Bag (Do I want it? No I don't. Perhaps my daughter will let me borrow her nice new Louis Vuitton Speedy sometime. Or maybe, I will buy an imitation Speedy on Canal Street the next time I am in NYC. While I don't care for BIG handbags, I really should get a new handbag for the fall since my summer handbag colors may not look too good with my fall wardrobe colors.)

- Mixed Metal Necklaces (Do I want it? Yes, I want it. I love jewelry. It always jazzes up an outfit. I don't purchase a lot of gold or diamonds, but give me a good piece of costume jewelry or handcrafted jewelry and I get sooooooo excited. Will check these out at Saks if I ever go shopping there, which is not often.)

- Lacquered Lip(Do I want it? No I don't. I do like shiny lips, not lacquered ones. It sounds like a piece of furniture.)

- Leggings (Do I want it? No I don't. These are thigh high boots. As a rather petite person, I don't think I will be wearing thigh high boots this fall. However, they would cover my entire leg, which means no one would see my spider veins. Think I will just wear dark tights and stockings.)

- Strong Shoulders (Do I want it? Well, I already have it. So I guess the answer is no. Can you believe shoulder pads are in again? I'm so glad I never discarded my Ralph Lauren blue pinstriped suit with the huge shoulder pads from the '80s. Being the fashionista that I am, I knew that shoulder pads and wide legs would come back in style someday and I would get to wear my favorite power suit again. As they say, 50 is the new 30. Hope the suit still fits.)

- Loop (Do I want it? Yes, I do. From the picture, this looks like a long scarf that wraps around the neck. I'm also a BIG scarf person, so I like the Loop trend for fall.)

- Rocker Boots (Do I want it? Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. These are short booties with high heels. You wear them with a dress or skirt. My daughter tried on some Rocker Boots when we went shopping together a few weeks ago. They looked cute on her, but will they look cute on my fiftysomething feet? And do I think I will be able to walk around in such high heels. Not sure this trend will work for me.)

- Sexy Shapewear (Do I want it? Yes, no, ooh, ahh. Will I reshape my body? Can I reshape my body this fall with Sexy Shapewear. Yes, no, ooh, ahh!)

- Vest (Do I want it? I'm not sure I can wear this look again. Shame I didn't save my vests from the consignment shop. I used to wear a lot of vests during the mid-to-late '70s when I was trying to look like Annie Hall during my twentysomething college days.)

- Cozy Knit ( Do I want it? Yes, I do. I do like the long sweaters that fit over my hips. Will have to check out these Cozy Knit sweaters for the fall. Cozy is good during crisp fall days and cold fall evenings.)

If I skip Saks and become a more frugal fashionista, I will likely head to Loehmann's. Let's see what trends they are predicting for fall:

Loehmann's 'It' List - Must Have Trends For Fall!

- Leather jackets (I have two leather jackets that I bought a long time ago. I guess they will suffice for another year since they are still on-trend. Ooh, ooh, but if I see a really great leather jacket, I may have to try it on...and if I really, really like it...I may have to add it to my 'want it' list.)

- Plaid (I'm not a fan of plaid shirts. Nope, I don't like plaid shirts, unless you pair them with overalls. Too juvenile for me. Plaid may be 'on trend' for fall, but out for me. I'm not even a big fan of plaid skirts.)

- Jumpsuits (No jumping for me this fall. At fiftysomething, it takes too long to get in and out of a jumpsuit with an over-active bladder.)

- Boyfriend denim & boyfriend jackets (My daughter A wants a boyfriend jacket. Should I get one too? Do I need a boyfriend jacket when I go on a date with my guy friend L? What is boyfriend denim? Oh, I just looked it up and it appears that boyfriend denim is a guy-styled jean and you wear it with a guy-style tee and a guy-style belt. Now I understand. I don't think this trend is my style, but I understand it.)

- Biker Boots (I don't like these boots either. I'm not going to become a Harley Davidson biker chick this fall.)

- Animal Prints (Now we're getting somewhere. I like leopards. I saw a nice leopard belt at J Crew which I also saw much cheaper in a Loehmann's ad. Leopard is a good accent with black outfits I also saw some nice leopard shoes at Lord & Taylor too. I thought leopard was 'in' last year. Will have to check my closet and see if I have any previous trendy leopard attire.)

- Studded Belts & Bags (I have a bunch of metal studs from when my kids used to do arts and crafts. So glad I never throw anything out. You never know when you might need a plastic stud machine. Perhaps I should take the plastic stud machine out of my closet and stud up some of my fall clothes.)

- Cardigan Sweaters (Very practical trend.)

- Fur Vests (Here are those vests again...but fur ones?)

- Destructed Denim (Wonder if that is different than boyfriend denim?)

- Leggings (I wear leggings for yoga, but don't think I'll be wearing them to work.)

- Over-the-knee Boots (Here are those thigh high boots again. Saks refers to them as 'leggings.' Maybe I will have to at least try on a pair of these boots when I do go shopping.)

- Tissue Tees (These tees are so thin that you have to wear a few of them or they look like pyjamas.)

Instyle also had Clothes They Love. Some of the same trends that I've already mentioned were featured. Others included:

- Ornamentation
- Dark Sparkle
- Draping
- Bright Coat
- Day Dress
- Romantic Shirt (Note to self - must get a nice white button down shirt for fall, no ruffles for me though, I do not look good in ruffles.)

Form-fitted a-line skirts are also trendy. Not sure where I read or saw this trend, but I want some form-fitted skirts for the fall.

As the Vogue editors said, "In fashion, some seasons are about intellectual black, icy elegance, and poker faces. This is a season for smiles."

Judi

Clowning Around

2009-09-08T19:16:00.000-07:00

It's been an incredibly hectic few weeks and now summer is over. Yes, summer is over and I've only seen one of the top 20 movies of the summer (according to Entertainment Weekly). Not only have I only seen one movie - Julie and Julia - but I've seen it twice.

I've likely only seen one movie because I've been so busy taking care of my house. I should call my summer of 2009 the "house fixer upper" summer. Every time I fixed one thing something else seemed to break down. A few weeks ago, I finally had a new roof put on my house. That was a BIG JOB. Then, while the roofers were putting on the new roof, they broke one of my outdoor lights. (Luckily they quickly repaired it.)

Then, I noticed that my sprinkler system wasn't working. I think the roofers may have cut one of the wires on the outdoor sensor. I was so busy I didn't even realize that my sprinkler wasn't working until the other day when I went outside and wondered why my grass was turning brown and my bushes were drying up.

Last week, my garage door broke down too. I waited all day for a Sears repairman to show up. All day I sat at home waiting and waiting. By noontime, I called to inquire about my appointment.

"When can I expect the repairman to show up?" I said angrily on the phone.

"We told you between 8 am and 5 pm. I know you requested between 8 am and noon, but we cannot guarantee that timeframe," said the Sears customer service representative.

"All day I have to wait," I replied, "This is absurd. I cannot wait all day." I hung up the phone and called my colleague to tell her that I would not be at work because of the Sears repairman. She said I should contact a local garage door company. I got on the internet, googled garage doors and called the local garage door company right away.

"What's your problem?" said the nice gentleman on the phone. "Your garage door is broken. Okay, I'm just finishing up with a customer. I'll be right over."

OMG! It was as though someone had sent me a garage door repair angel. The nice gentleman J showed up at my front door within 20 minutes (and then I led him to my broken garage door).

"Yep, it's broken," said J. "You need a whole new double door for your two car garage and a whole new garage door opener. It will take about 4-6 weeks to order and it is $$$."

As I led J into the house to sign the contract, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. J wrote out the contract and told me about his life, his career which didn't go as planned, and about his wife who was ill. I told him about my life and my late husband's illness.

"Will you need an extra door opener for your husband?" said J.

"No, I won't," I told J as I started to cry. "He passed away almost two years ago."

"I'm sorry," said J. "You know I began clowning around to make some additional money when my wife took ill. I do magic, balloons, face painting, carnivals, games, and music. If you ever need a clown, give me a call."

My tears turned into laughter as J provided me with his Beep-Beep The Clown business card. J not only saved me from my Sears insanity last week, he also provided me with some levity as I handed over my credit card for what was another hefty amount on top of the hefty amount I had just doled out for my new roof.

I pulled J's Beep-Beep the Clown business card out of my bag at the end of the week too. I needed more levity after I went down to my basement and found a crack in the foundation wall. I called the foundation repairman and he is due out to assess the damage next week.

Let's see, I have a new heater and air conditioner and new roof. Soon I'll have a new garage door and garage door opener. Hopefully, the foundation repairman will be able to fix my foundation before my house sinks into the ground and my sprinkler system will be fixed before my grass and bushes turn into haystacks. And, oh yes, did I mention the stone in my walkway is coming loose (even though last year the landscaper guaranteed that the sand around the stone would last forever and that I would never see any weeds again in between the stone. Ha, ha, ha, and I actually believed him!)

If all else fails, at least my DVD will still be working in the fall, so I can watch all the 19 other top summer movies that I missed this summer which should be coming out on DVD soon. If it breaks down, I think I'll just call Beep-Beep the Clown ,have some friends over, and we can clown around and have a party.

Judi

Fun in Flo-ree-da

2009-08-31T18:08:00.000-07:00

I read the other week in the New York Times Health Section (which appears on Tuesdays) that a study found that when stressed out mice take vacations they become less stressed. Soooo, I decided, if a vacation works for little stressed out creatures like mice, perhaps a vacation might help me relax too.

On Tuesday, I boarded the plane for Fort Lauderdale, along with my daughter A (and her Louis Vuitton handbag which does not leave her sight) and son D (and his Blackberry which I think may be permanently part of his right earlobe since he talks to his girlfriend L all the time.), for a week of vacation in Flo-ree-da.

First, I took my kids to see my mom P (their grandmother who had not seen them in almost two years) who lives in Margate and then we spent the second half of our trip in Orlando, since I had a wedding to attend in DisneyWorld.

The Flight
"I can't believe you spent the entire 2.5 hours of the flight reading your Vogue magazine," said son D. "How can anyone spend that much time reading one magazine?"

"You have to understand," I said, "It is the September issue. It's 584 pages of as it says on the cover 'stylish steals & smart splurges + beauty secrets of the season and all the Fall fashion fun.' Plus, I had to read the articles about Jenny Sanford and her husband's 'cheating heart' and Roger Federer, 'the greatest tennis player of all time' and Charlize Theron, who 'always reveals too much.'"

Cover to cover, I covered all 584 pages. So glad the flight took all 2.5 hours.

To Grandmother's House We Go
Grandma P was a bit under the weather, but we had fun. We brought bagels to go along with grandma P's lox and lots of bottled water to keep us hydrated during the hot, hot days at the pool.

"Where do you think we will go for dinner?" said A. "You know grandma, she likes Chinese food and deli."

"Where do you want to go for dinner?" I said to my mom on Tuesday evening.

"Let's see," said P. "Oh, I haven't had Chinese food in a long time. "Can we go have Chinese food?"

A and D were quite surprised to find out that the Chinese restaurant also served sushi, and quite good sushi at that. Grandma P's taste is quite trendy. We left the restaurant with full tummies and lots of leftovers for P's already full refrigerator.

"Where do you want to go for dinner?" I said to my mom on Wednesday evening. (We had plans to go see the Julie and Julia movie that night. We checked the movie times in the paper to make sure the movie was playing in a theatre nearby. The paper said 7:30 pm which was perfect. If we left for dinner at 5:30 pm, it would give us enough time to eat dinner, get lost finding the theatre, and be in our seats for the start of the show.)

"Let's see," said P. "Ooh, I think we should go to TooJays Deli. I have a yen for shrimp salad."

"TooJays it is," I replied. We enjoyed our salads and deli sandwiches and shared some delicious desserts. No leftovers. We all decided that TooJays is feeling the effects of the recession and has definitely cut back on their portion sizes - either that or we were little piggies that night. NO, NO, NO, the portions were DEFINITELY smaller!

Finding Our Way
"Which way do we go," I asked P as we piled into the car. "Left or right?"

"I think you go left," said P. "You need to find Lyons Road and then you make another left and the theatre should be right there."

It was dark. I turned left. I drove several blocks. It was 7:00 pm. (Remember I said the movie started at 7:30 pm).

It was dark. I kept driving several more blocks. It was 7:10 pm. (Remember I said the movie started at 7:30 pm).

It was dark. I kept driving several more blocks looking for Lyons Road. It was 7:15pm. (I knew where my children were. I knew where my mom was. I didn't know where Lyons Road was.)

"I don't think we are going to make the movie," I said to P.

"I thought it was this way," said P, "I guess I was mistaken." (It was 7:20 pm.) "Turn in here, I think there is another movie theatre in this shopping center. We can see if Julie and Julia is playing here," said P.

I turned left. I drove up to the theatre. D went to check the times. The next showing of Julie and Julia was at 7:25 pm. A went to get the tickets. D helped P out of the car with the walker. I parked the car.

We were all in our seats when the show started. Whew! Close call, but we made it. Glad there are several movie theatres in Flo-ree-da.

Off to See Mickey
"Everyone is always happy here," said D, as we arrived for our three day stay in DisneyWorld. "I wonder if the happy workers go home and yell at their family and friends at the end of the day?"

I realized that I hadn't been to DisneyWorld in many, many years. And after a few days I realized why I hadn't been to DisneyWorld in many, many years. The Beach Club Resort was lovely, but there were soooooooooo many little kids and I don't have little kids anymore. No, now I have BIG KIDS. It just wasn't the same. There was no one to buy Mickey Mouse ears for. No one screaming in my ear to have Breakfast with the Characters. No one to stroll in a stroller around the parks.

Now my kids are old enough to go by themselves on a roller coaster. So, I did not have to lose a night's sleep worrying about how I was going to survive the wait to go on the rollercoaster and survive the fear of the rollercoaster ride. (Years ago, I actually yelled to the Disney conductor to turn off the rollercoaster halfway through the ride, but he never listened to me.)

This time, instead of waiting and worrying, I took myself to see the Beauty and the Beast show with the other rollercoaster wimps, while my BIG KIDS ventured on all the fast-paced rides.

Wedding Bells
Saturday nite was the best - I dressed in my Nicole Miller strapless dress (which was luckily glued to my body from the 90 degree heat) and my Ann Taylor high-heeled sandals (which were also glued to my sweaty feet) and pranced off to my colleague's wedding. She was so beautiful in her elegant gown. She looked just like a Disney princess. It was like a storybook wedding. The sun was setting on the gazebo as they said their vows, we threw yellow rose petals at the bride and groom. Then we were wisked off to Epcot for cocktails, an extraordinary light show, and back to Ariel's restaurant for dinner and dancing. (Not much dancing for me. My 50+ year old feet weren't up for too much dancing in their high-heeled sandals.)

Almost Home
Sunday morning we woke early, finished packing our bags, and were ready to check out. The wonderful thing about staying at a Disney hotel is that you can check your luggage at the hotel and not even think about it until you pick it up at your destination city.

"How many bags are you checking?" asked the attendant.

"Two bags," I said. (A and I had shared a large suitcase. We were good packers. Although, we did bring way too many clothes.)

"We'll have to weigh the bags," said the attendant.

I put my bag on the scale.

"It weighs 53 pounds," said the attendant. "You'll have to take 3 lbs. out of the bag or you'll have to pay an additional $50."

"How could your bag weigh 3 lbs. more than it did when we arrived?" asked D.

"How is that possible," said A.

"Oh no," I said. "I know what it is. It's my Vogue magazine. That's the extra 3 lbs. I packed it in my suitcase."

"Well, just throw it out," said D.

"What, what, what," I replied. "I can't throw out the September issue of Vogue. Not yet. I know I read the entire issue, but I haven't picked out my favorite outfits yet. I know I'm not going to buy those outfits from Neiman Marcus or Armani, but I still want to look at them again when I get home." (But, I also didn't want to spend an extra $50 to take home my Vogue magazine.)

I took out my shoes, and some other items and put them in my son D's suitcase.

"It's 47 lbs.," said the attendant. "You're fine now."

Home Sweet Home
I enjoyed my vacation in Flo-ree-da. It was nice to have a few days to relax, sit by the pool (even with all the little kids), read an entire novel (Friends Forever by Jennifer Weiner), and spend time with three of my favorite people (mom P, daughter A and son D).

I think A was glad to be home too. She didn't appreciate sharing a room with her mom who snores. I never realized I am such a snorer. The good thing is - if I was snoring then I must have been sleeping - which means I wasn't having one of my stressful sleepless menopausal nights.

Yes, like the little mice on vacation - I too had a chance to relax and have fun during my 6 day break in Flo-ree-da.

Judi

From Little Blog to BIG BOOK

2009-08-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

Watching the Julie and Julia movie last week inspired me to start working on my book again. That's because the movie is all about Julie from Queens who blogs about cooking Julia Child recipes. It's about how she becomes famous from her little blog. (Okay, it wasn't that little a blog. She was featured in the NY Times.) And then she turns her blog into a book. And then the book is picked up by a movie studio and Nora Ephron turns it into a movie with Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. Wow! How exciting! From a little blog to a BIG BOOK.

I closed my eyes and thought about my first blog that I wrote during 2007...during the year I was counting down to my 50th birthday. I thought about my plans to turn my first blog into a book. And then I started to get really excited.

I can do this I said to myself. Yes, I can. If I start editing one post a day, I will finish my book in 365 days. Or less, if I do more editing each day.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, I began to dream. What if I really do get my book written within the next year? What if I turn my first blog - ayearto50 - into a book and someone wants to publish it?

Ooh, ooh, ooh, what if someone wants to publish my story about my extraordinary countdown to my 50th birthday? It would change my life. Perhaps! And if it doesn't change my life, at least I can say I authored a book during my 50+ years. And if no one wants to publish my book, I can always self-publish.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, what if I write my book and someone does publish it, and then a movie studio wants to turn it into a movie. That would definitely change my life forever and ever. I'd be famous, just like Julie from the Julie and Julia movie.

Let's see, what actress do I want to play me in my movie? I think Diane Lane would make a good Judi. And the actor Brad Garrett would be excellent as my late husband M. Brad is tall with dark hair - just like M was.

What about my kids? My daughter A said she would like Megan Fox, the actress from the Transformer movie to play her part. Of course, Megan is beautiful. However, so is Diane Lane.

My son D thought the whole movie idea was ridiculous, so he would not participate in my 'name the actor' game. I told him if he would not participate, then I would do the casting call for him. Let's see, I don't know too many young actors, but perhaps Shia LeBeouf, would do well as D.

"Shia LeBeouf, Shia LeBeouf," said D. "He will be way too old to play me by the time they produce your movie," said D. "You haven't even finished your book yet."

"Okay, okay, you're right," I said. "Who do I think I am producing a movie before I even have a book written."

I started editing my blog posts last week. I was doing really well. I had completed a few pages, when interuptions hit. First, it was the new roof installation that required my attention. Then, it was my son's dorm room situation (or lack of one) that distracted me. Then, just yesterday, I had another annoyance when my garage door opener decided to breakdown.

Oh, I don't know how I am going to find the time to work on my book!

Just do it! Just do it! Just do it!

Oh, I don't know how I am going to find the time to work on my book!

Just do it! Just do it! Just do it!

Come September, one week from now, I'm going to stop all these excuses and start some serious editing. Come September or maybe October, I'm going to set up my writing nook (in my son D's old bedroom) and really get started with my first draft. Yes, I'm going to hire the 1-800-GOT-JUNK company to get rid of my son's old furniture and go to IKEA and order a new desk for his room (actually his room is going to morph into MY room once he leaves for college).

Yes, I can and I will be a published author during my 50+ years.

I will, I will, I will.

However, as for Hollywood, I guess Hollywood may have to wait awhile. Or, maybe, maybe, maybe, I'll just take my published or self-published book out to Hollywood and take a picture of myself with my book in front of the Hollywood sign in California. Or, maybe I'll just get a big Hollywood sign for my new writing room in New Jersey, so I can look at it every time I sit down to write my book.

Better get some rest now, so I can keep dreaming.

Judi

Retail Therapy

2009-08-16T14:39:00.000-07:00

Nothing like a little 'retail therapy' to cheer up my daughter A this weekend. It was a true mother daughter bonding experience. We went to the King (short for King of Prussia Mall in PA, as my son D calls it. Speaking of son D, I let him have my condo on the corner at the shore this weekend. Since I had let his sister A have it with her friends last weekend, I had promised to give him a weekend with his friends too. Something is wrong here...sounds like I am the one losing out, especially with the gorgeous sunny weather, it was a fabulous condo on the corner at the shore weekend, but I wasn't there. Instead, I was at home doing 'retail therapy.').

Daughter A was still very upset about the breakup with ex-boyfriend A. (It is official as of Tuesday. Or, was it Monday evening when A called me to say that ex-boyfriend A had emailed her to say after a month it was an offical breakup? I can't remember. I just remember the hysteria on the phone.)

A came home for the weekend and I suggested that there is nothing like a little 'retail therapy' to get over a breakup. Pasta, chocolate and wine are also good therapy for a breakup. That's what we did on Friday night.

On Saturday, we arrived at King ready to shop. First, we went to Nordstroms where A tried on several fantastic pairs of boots. Yes, I said boots. I know it was 90 degrees outside, but A was ready to forget the summer and head into fall with a new wardrobe. I loved the Jessica Simpson black suede boots she tried on. They looked fabulous on her. It was sure to be a purchase, I thought as she put them on hold before we headed off to the next store.

"I have to look great this fall," said A. "Yes, you do," I agreed. "Absolutely, you have to look great and you will. Those boots will look smashing with sooooo many fall and winter outfits."

I went to Banana Republic to purchase some tees (BR short sleeve tagless tees are so comfy under a suit - I highly recommend them), while A went off to Bloomies to check on handbags. A found a Cole Haan handbag she liked.

"Mom, you have to see this handbag," said A when I caught up with her, "I really like it."

"I don't know about that handbag," I said. "It is too large, too big, too much bag for your body size."

"Really? You don't like it?" said A. "No, I don't," I replied.

"But, I really want and need a new handbag," said A. "You know, I've always wanted a Louis Vuitton handbag."

"Well, then we should go to the Louis Vuitton store," I said, "I like LV bags more than this Cole Haan one. (I must have been having a fiftysomething moment of pre-dementia. I can't believe I said that! OMG! Did I really say that we or she should go to the Louis Vuitton store? Why would I suggest this to a twentysomething who was going through breakup 'retail therapy?' It was sure to lead to some serious $$$ out of the bank account.)

And there we were, fiftysomething Judi (who has never owned a real LV handbag, only a tiny fake one I once bought on Canal Street in NYC) and daughter A (who was about 15 minutes from purchasing a real LV for $$$).

"Can I help you?" said the nice salesperson.

"Yes," said A. "I would like to see the LV Speedy."

And then...and then...and then, A put the LV Speedy on her arm. I think it was love at first sight. I knew she would never take it off her arm. It looked so great on her arm too, like it was made just for her.

"I love it," said A, "I really love it. I've always wanted this bag."

"I love it too," I said, "I really love it too."

"I love it," said A, "I really love it. I've always wanted this bag."

"I love it too," I said, "I really love it too."

"Should I get it?" A said, "Do you think I should spend $$$ of my inheritance on this handbag?"

She began to rationalize that the handbag was quite economical...especially after the salesperson said the handbag would last a lifetime. Then A told me how her friend E had borrowed her mom's LV Speedy which was likely a 30+ year old handbag. (Oh no, had I deprived my daughter by not buying my own LV Speedy 30+ years ago? If I had, she would not have had to spend a chunk of her inheritance yesterday. At least, I now know that my future granddaughter or granddaughters will one day inherit their mother's LV Speedy. They will not be deprived. No, no, no, they will not be deprived.)

"Do it," I said, "Just do it." (OMG, did I really say that she should buy the Louis Vuitton handbag for $$$? Did I really say that? I did. I did. I did.)

"That was my first Louis," said another woman in the shop who looked about my age. "You are going to love it forever."

As the salesperson rang up A's sale and prepped the bag for its exit, she said to A, "What's the special occasion? Your birthday? Graduation?"

"My boyfriend just broke up with me. It's a 'break-up bag,'" said A.

"Well that's the best reason for a Louis Vuitton handbag. said the salesperson, "it will always be there for you."

As we left the store, A had a smile on her face. Actually, she had a big grin on her face.

"I can't believe I just did that," said A.

"I can't believe it either," I added.

As I drove A and her LV Speedy to the bus stop to catch the bus to NYC this afternoon, she really did look great with her new handbag on her arm. And, unlike ex-boyfriends who may come and go, A's LV Speedy will hopefully always make her happy. Plus, even when she is fiftysomething and the leather handles have turned dark brown, the canvas will never wrinkle. No, it will never wrinkle. It is simply ageless.

Judi

My New White Jeans

2009-08-10T18:54:00.000-07:00

I went shopping last week. I had wanted to purchase a pair of white jeans all summer long and now that summer is almost over, I finally found a pair of white jeans at Lord & Taylor. The best was that there was only one pair left on the rack and they were my size, the second best was that the jeans fit me to a tee, the third best was that the jeans were on sale, and the fourth best was that I had a 20 percent discount coupon on top of the sale.

No they didn't pay me to take the jeans out of the store...but it almost felt like they did. (When I want to purchase something I am such a good rationalizer. No, I'm better than a rationalizer, I'm beginning to think that perhaps I am becoming a frugalista like the frugalista blogger I met at the BlogHer conference a week ago. Do you know that this woman created the word 'frugalista'?)

Soooo, I took my white jeans home. And when I tried them on again in my walk-in closet and looked in the mirror (I have a full length mirror in my walk in closet), I realized that the reason why they made my tummy look so small was because they are a special brand of jeans. Yes, I found the jeans I had read about over a year ago in People Style Watch magazine. I found the jeans made especially for baby boomer women.

My new white jeans are made by the 'Not Your Daughter's Jeans Company' (NYDJ). No wonder I like these jeans. I've tried on many, many brands of jeans that my daughter wears and they never fit me. They are either too tight, too low cut, too wide, or too long (my new white jeans were too long too, but they only needed a little hem, not 10 inches taken off like some of the popular brands that my twentysomething daughter wears).

According to the NYDJ label attached to my jeans, "NYDJ cannot be held responsible for any positive consequence that may arise due to my fabulous appearance when wearing my Tummy Tuck Jean," says Lisa Rudes-Sandel, the founder of this fabulous jean company. "You can thank me later," adds Lisa.

Lisa is right. I did have positive consequences with my white jeans. It happened two days after I purchased my NYDJ white jeans. It happened when I was having my jeans hemmed at the cleaners on Friday. I was standing tall in my NYDJ jeans as the tailor measured the hem. Another boomer woman came into the store to pick up her cleaning and turned to see me in my jeans. "What fabulous white jeans," she said, "they fit you great, where did you get them?" "Thank you, thank you," I replied as I smiled, "Lord & Taylor on sale."

According to NYDJ, their jeans with the "Flatten Your Tummy" double "criss cross" feature also lift my buttocks and allow me to look and feel one size smaller." (I am a size 4, so the one size smaller isn't the biggest benefit, but the buttocks lift is a definite plus. Thank you Lisa, your jeans are the best.

I think I will have to purchase another pair of these jeans in blue denim and maybe black denim too (I do need new jeans for casual jean Fridays at work). I read on the NYDJ website that these jeans are top sellers at nordstrom.com. I know where I'm headed the next time I want a new pair of jeans for the Fall.

However, I also may have to stop at Lord & Taylor and pick up a pair of the Ellen Tracy "Elton" leopard-print pony hair pumps (that I just saw in the new Fall catalog) to go with my next pair of NYDJ jeans. Ooh, just read that animal prints are 'in' for Fall fashionistas (notice I didn't say for 'frugalistas' there is a BIG difference between the two - or maybe not, I guess frugalistas can also be fashionistas, right?).

Can't wait to get my September Vogue and InStyle mags - hope my mailbox is still standing after the 800+ page issues arrive.

Judi

Goodbye Peri, Hello Meno

2009-08-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

I went to my gynecologist last week for my yearly checkup. "How are you doing?" she asked me. "How long has it been since your last period?"

I hesitated. I had to think about it. And then I said, "You know what, it has been a year. I haven't had my period since last June."

"You have reached menopause," she said, "next year we will have you get a bone density test."

"Should I start taking calcium supplements?" I asked my doctor, even though I had started to chew Viactiv calcium supplements awhile ago. They taste pretty good and they are chocolate.

"Actually no," doctor S said, "you may not need them. Wait until we do the test next year and see if you need extra calcium."

So, last week it was official. As I walked out of my gynecologist's office after my pap test, I said goodbye to my perimenopausal days and officially became branded as a menopausal woman. I'm so glad I purchased a copy of Dr. Christiane Northrup's newly updated and revised edition of "The Wisdom of Menopause." I definitely am going to need all the advice I can get as I enter this new phase of my life.

Dr. Northrup says that the hormone-driven changes during menopause 'affect the brain.' (Ooh, this is scary.)

Dr. Northrup says that these hormone-driven changes 'give a woman a sharper eye for inequity and injustice and a voice that insists on speaking up about them.' (Ooh, ooh, I wonder if I will start to be bold and brazen in my 50+ years. Let's see, what inequities and injustices do I want to speak up about? Hmm,hmm. I'm sure there will be plenty of inequities and injustices to speak up about as my hormone-driven changes kick in.)

According to Dr. Northrup, if I keep silent during this time, 'it will be like putting the plug on a pressure cooker.' (I know what that is like. I used to have a pressure cooker when I was twenty-something. I never liked cooking with it. I always thought the top was going to blow off. Ooh, ooh, just the thought and image of that pressure cooker makes me want to pop. No wonder I have so many tension headaches lately. I guess I've been putting the plug on my voice box and not speaking up for what I want. Wonder if my headaches will go away as I start to express myself more?)

Dr. Northrup says to prepare for this transformation, 'we must be willing to take full responsibility for our share of the problems in our lives.' (Am I ready to do this? Do I have the courage to admit my own contributions to the things that have gone wrong in my life and stop seeing myself as a victim of something outside of myself? Do I? Do I? Do I? I want to. I want to. I want to. Yes, yes, yes. Ah,ah,ah, I feel better all ready!)

By doing this, Dr. Northrup says it will help me 'change, heal, grow, and move on to a more fulfilling and joyful life.' (I'm getting excited. This menopausal gig might be just what I need in the second half of my life.)

Oh,no. Oh,no. Dr. Northrup says that there is another requirement for transformation and it is more difficult. The second requirement is that 'I must be willing to feel the pain of loss and grieve for those parts of my life that I am leaving behind.' (Well, I know how to do this. I've been doing this for almost two years. Unfortunately, I now know what it's like to lose a spouse, to let go of a marriage that lasted 24 years, to watch my children grow up and leave the nest, to become comfortable on my own at 50+. Dr. Northrup is right, it is difficult to leave those parts of my life behind and start anew.)

I'm only up to page 17 in Dr. Northrup's book and I've already gained so much menopausal knowledge. Wait, I have to read this next paragraph out loud. I have to yell. Here goes:

'THE EMOTIONAL CHANGES THAT COME ABOUT IN THE YEARS LEADING UP TO AND DURING MENOPAUSE CAN FEEL EARTHSHAKING AND EVEN TERRIFYING, PARTICULARLY FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE ACCUSTOMED TO THINKING WE'RE IN CONTROL. IT'S ONE THING TO RESIST CHANGE FROM SOME EXTERNAL FORCE. IT'S QUITE ANOTHER WHEN THE CHANGE IS COMING FROM WITHIN, AND EVERYTHING YOU CLING TO THAT'S COMFORTABLE IN ITS FAMILIARITY, INCLUDING YOUR VERY IDENTITY IS METAMORPHOSING FROM THE INSIDE OUT.'

Now I have to yell and scream again in my own words,

"THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! WHO AM I? WHO IS THE NEW JUDI?"

I'm like a caterpillar that is turning into a butterfly. Wait a minute. Wait...a...minute. I like butterflies more than caterpillars. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Butterflies are prettier than caterpillars. Butterflies can fly. Butterflies can move faster than caterpillars. Caterpillars can only crawl.

Maybe I am ready, as Dr. Northrup says, 'to live a life based on true freedom and joy!'

Red light. Green light. One, two, three. Ready or not, I'm moving forward into the next phase of my life. Goodbye peri, hello meno. Hello. Hello.

I can't wait to read the next chapter and learn more about what more menopausal wisdom awaits me.

Judi

Benefit of the Doubt

2009-07-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

Last month, my son came to me and said he wanted to transfer to a different college. He had done his homework. He had done research on the new school. He came to the conclusion that he truly wasn’t happy at his current university (W.U.) and wanted to go to P.U. in NYC.

We went through several rounds of ups and downs and downs and ups. First, came the rants that “I was an unsupportive mother.” That hit at my core (no wonder my yoga practice was suffering with my core under stress.) Next came the anger that I wasn’t taking him seriously. (My son D is always full of ideas. He actually has a more creative side than my daughter A. Naturally, I believe he gets his creative juices from my side of the family.) And finally, came the motherly breakdown (or the giving in stage of the process where he wore me down and I said I would agree to be a more supportive mother and listen to his P.U. proposal.)

“Okay, okay,” I finally said one day a few weeks ago. “If you are truly unhappy and you do all the work, I will go to NYC with you and see the school and assess the program. While I agreed to this venture, I knew in the back of my mind that my answer was going to be "no." I did not give him the benefit of the doubt. In fact, at the time, I was almost 90 percent set against such a move.

And then two weeks ago, he got accepted to P.U. While I went into the process doubting that this was a good change, overtime, my doubts began to subside. “Was I not giving my son the benefit of the doubt?” (No, absolutely not – he was guilty and wrong until proven innocent.) “Was I not trusting his judgement on this school? (No, absolutely not, how could D, at 19 years old, know what was best for him. He hadn’t gone through enough experiences in life to know if this move was a good one or not.)

Then there were all the specific doubts, like how much was this school in the BIG CITY going to cost?

I doubted that they would accept many of his freshman credits. (I definitely doubted they would take all his credits and therefore, it would likely take longer than 4 years for him to graduate.)

I doubted the curriculum for P. U’s hospitality program. (He will have to get a business degree not a hospitality degree. How could this program be better?)

I doubted he would get housing as a transfer student. (Would he get a dorm room in the BIG CITY, especially as an upperclassman?)

Despite my many doubts. I decided to join him for a tour of the school and meetings with the various school administrators. The decision for Fall 2009 was fast approaching.

So, last week, D and I jumped on the train to NYC. He scheduled the tour. He found the directions via subway (I was so proud of him.)

“Yes, we will take all his credits and there is still room in the upperclassmen dorms,” said the nice admissions counselor. (No doubt there anymore.)

“Yes, we have a small wonderful hospitality program and your son will gain lots of contacts in the industry. One of the core courses is taught by a leader from the Marriott Marquis and we do require internships too,” advised the head of the hospitality program. She seemed quite knowledgeable. (Again, another doubt had diminished.)

“No we won’t give your son any additional financial aid, but he is getting a significant grant,” said the financial aid advisor. (It is still going to be more expensive, but how much is my son’s happiness worth. I guess as a mother you could say it is priceless.)

“Do you still really want to do this?,” I asked D as we left P.U. and headed uptown to the train station home to N.J. (We stopped at the Momofuku Noodle Bar in the East Village between 10th and 11th Streets for lunch. It was sooooo good...very interesting ramen noodles. I highly recommend it.)

"I do, I do,” said D with a big smile. His face lit up. He was excited about making the change. He was courageous about making the change. He seemed fearless about making the change.

I thought about how much D has changed during this past year at W.U. I've always worried about him, but I realized that while he still has a lot more growing up ahead of him, he is ready for the BIG CITY change.

In some ways, I think it is me, his 50+ year old mother, who still has more letting go to do. Yes, all my doubts were satisfied during our visit to P.U. last week and it is now time for me to give the final ‘go ahead” and release D to the BIG CITY.

“I do hope he remembers all the steps to complete the process for his admissions,” I thought to myself yesterday as he began to fill out the acceptance forms. (Okay, I could not let go just yet. So, I wrote down all the steps he needed to take and told him to check them off – one by one. I wrote the steps – but it was his job to execute. And he did.)

Come September, my son D heads off to the BIG CITY (not too far from his sister A.) As for me, I’m sure I will learn to adjust and adapt to this new change. (I hope he will still answer the phone when I call him from Southern New Jersey to ask him how to turn on the DVD in my bedroom so I can watch a Blockbuster movie.)

I’m happy for him and very proud of him. It's not easy to say your college choice the first time around may not have been the right choice. For that matter, it is not easy at any age, to admit you’re unhappy and have the courage to make a change – especially when your unsupportive mother is not giving you the benefit of the doubt. But he did it.

I’m impressed with his readiness and eagerness to embrace the newness of it all. I have no doubt he is up for the change. But, what about me? Am I ready for the next phase of emptynesterness? I’m going to give myself the benefit of the doubt and say 'yes.'

Come September, I will ride through the narrow streets of Chinatown again, like I did two years ago when I moved my daughter A into the summer dorms at NYU. I will deliver my son to his new crib in the BIG CITY. And then I will drive away, knowing that he will be okay and so will I.

Judi

I Will Be Fine

2009-07-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Why is it when I think things are finally going to slow down...when I think that the universe is going to give me a break...it shifts. Yes, it takes a turn and sends me into a physical and emotional tailspin of more change. Doesn't the universe know that I am not good with change? Doesn't it know that I never was good with change? Doesn't it know that at fiftysomething it's really hard to change?

Frankly, I don't think the universe cares what I think about change. I don't think it cares one bit how I react to change. I don't think it worries that I get scared when I face uncertainties. I think the universe throws more change my way because it has decided that my little 'i' at the end of my name is going to stay straight up despite all the changes that it throws my way. From the left or the right, from the front or the back, from the top or the bottom, I think the universe knows that my little 'i' will be just fine.

- My son will go off to college in the big city in September. He likely (hopefully) won't come home as much on the weekends. I will miss him. But, I will be fine.

- Two of my BFF at work will retire next week. Life on the job just won't be the same without them. I will miss them. But, I will be fine.

- My house needs a new roof and despite the fact that I procrastinated all these months, the nice roofing contractor that I just hired promised he will call by the end of the month to set a date to install my new red-toned roof. Sooooooo, I will continue to have a sturdy roof over my head this winter. I will be fine.

"You should think about selling your house and moving to a smaller place," said my girlfriend L (and a few of my other friends and relatives echoed her sentiments). "Your house is too much work and expense for you now," she added.

"What? Move from my wonderful, fabulous, marvelous ranch house that I love? How can I make such a change?" I said to myself as I started to get scared of more changes in my life.

"You may find a townhouse that is even more wonderful, fabulous, and marvelous," said L, "won't that be nice?"

I may. I can. I likely will. I will be fine.

Perhaps the universe keeps sending winds of change my way to remind me that no matter what year, week, day, hour, it is, I must begin to lay the foundation for the possibilities of more change in my life. Yes, I'm going to be scared, change is going to be hard, but I am confident that I will be okay.

As the Torah says,

"Life is a narrow bridge and the main thing is not to be afraid."

However, I may have to break down and get myself a life vest, just in case I fall off the bridge into the water. I'm not that good a swimmer. But, with a life vest, I will be just fine.

Judi

To The BlogHersphere and Beyond

2009-07-27T18:19:00.000-07:00

I was reminded of why I enjoy blogging so much after spending two full days and evenings in what truly felt like the blogosphere in real life at the 2009 BlogHer conference in Chicago this weekend. There were 1400 female bloggers (I didn't meet all 1400, but I wish I had had more time to meet them all). Of the many women I did meet - all were talented, liberated, creative, curious, fabulous, smart women.

There was a certain blogalicious bond among us.(Don't you just love this word? According to the Blogalicious 2009 founders, the word is an adjective and means "the state of being in which one finds joy in updating one's blog or a blog or blog entry that one finds highly enjoyable."

I felt like we were an extended family of diverse sisters. Some tall and some short. Some heavier and some thinner. White women and women of color. Straight women and gay women. Lots of mommies. Lots and lots of mommies with lots and lots of babies. (I did want to hold and hug some of the babies - they were all soooooo cute and actually very quiet. I think these mommy bloggers must have a special touch. I wish mommy bloggers were around when my kids were growing up, I could have used all the advice they dish out on their blogs every day.) Young single women and more mature women (like me). All blogalicious women (ooh, I just love that word!)

What did I learn at BlogHer?

- I learned about leadership from Kathie Orenstein, who heads up the OpEd project. Kathie explained how important it is for women to speak up about their expertise. We each had to say the following, filling in each part of the sentence:

"Hello my name is..."
"I'm an expert in..."
"Because..."

It was a tough exercise. Kathie says "women have to move from a position of fear of self to a position of social responsibility and think about the potential of positive impact we can have on others based on our experiences." According to Kathie, the experiences I share on my little blog can make a big difference, whether it impacts one person or many. In fact, Kathie says if I don't share my experiences I am selfish because no one will get to benefit from my knowledge. (I liked Kathie. She was one of the smart women I met.)

- I learned some tips from fellow bloggers that were featured on The Juice video. The theme was 'how to get more of what you want and less of what you don't want.' I liked the blogger who provided the 10 Minute Dance Party tip. She said that "when you are stressed or tired you should put on loud music and boogie for 10 minutes to get your energy up." I also liked the tip from one of the mommy bloggers who said you should 'sleep in your running clothes so that you will be ready to exercise in the morning.' (I may have to try this tip, although I doubt sleeping in my running clothes will incentivize me to go running more in the morning. If I really want to do more morning exercise, I could just clean off all the stuff on my stationery bicycle in my bedroom and ride a few miles in my pyjamas.)

- I learned how to use an HP Photosmart A636 Touch Screen printer to print my photos. This was a BIG deal for a novice techno like me. It was so easy to use. However, now I really want to buy one of these printers. The HP guy said it only costs about $100. However, the printer paper and ink jet are likely the more expensive part of this purchase. (How can I rationalize this purchase? Ah yes, if I buy this printer I will not have to go to Target to print my photos. I'll save gas because I won't have to drive to Target. I'll save time because I won't have to wait for the pictures to be developed. I'll save money because usually while I wait at Target for my pictures I always walk around the store and I end up purchasing a minimum of $70 worth of items I don't really need, but that I really like. Plus, I'll be able to send more timely pictures to my mom in Flo-ree-da. I knew I could make this purchase appear priceless.)

- I learned from Ree Drummond, The Pioneering Woman, that everybody has a story to tell. And I truly enjoyed hearing each woman's story that I met, especially the stories from several of my fellow female boomer bloggers:

Debba Haupert from Girlfriendology - where you can find inspiration, appreciation & celebration

FreshWidow.blogspot.com - a fellow widow who was so open to sharing and supporting other widows

Jill Gilbert, who started the Gilbert Guide to Senior Care, a wonderful resource for those who are caregivers to their elderly parents and relatives

Beth Rosen, who blogs at The Mid Life Wife

Myrna Cook Lantzsch, from Tangerine Times, if you still have teens in the house you should check out Myrna's site.

Lisa Honig Buksbaum, CEO and Founder of Soaringwords. As Linda Lowen of About.com said "Lisa created SoaringWords.org to empower communities to embrace ill children and families and inspire them to never give up." I encourage you to check out SoaringWords.org and you will be inspired too.

While I was less rested after my two days in the bloghersphere, I definitely was more invigorated and very blogalicious. In addition, I was very happy because I was able to fit the Mr. Potato Head (remember Mr. Potato Head, I always loved Mr. Potato Head when my kids were little)that Hasbro had so graciously given us, in my suitcase. It was a tight fit, but I was not going to leave my shiny new Mr. Potato Head with 'lots of pieces to create funny faces' in the bloghersphere. Nope, I wanted to take him home so that during my childish moments of emptynesterness I can always pull him out for lots of laughs. Or as they say in the blogosphere 'lol.'

Judi

A Good Summer So Far

2009-07-08T18:27:00.000-07:00

I guess I could say that my summer of 2009 is shaping up to be a good summer so far. Yes, so far,it's been so good. Let's see, what's been so good, so far:

- So far, it's been so good that my little flowering plant that I bought in the spring still has a little flower blooming on one little stem. I am so proud of my green thumb, it is definitely getting better with age. And my watermelon plant continues to flourish too. Maybe I will have to go back to Smith & Hawkens and pick out an orchid next. Ooh that would be an adventure. I'll have to ask my green thumb and see if it is up to such a challenge. (Note: Just read that S&H closed up their website...hope their stores are still in business...these recessionary times are not helping matters.)

- So far, it's been so good that my bamboo in my backyard is behaving and letting my red maple tree come back to life with a lot of beautiful red leaves. I do like that tree and am so glad to see it survived after the trauma it went through last summer when it was surrounded by bamboo shoots.

- So far, it's been so good on the grilling front, too. Yes, I now know how to grill a steak (or rather a London Broil) on my Weber charcoal grill. I was very worried about my July 4th barbecue -- my son asked me to grill meat. I had never grilled meat before, that was always my late husband's job. He was the grill master and now I had to master the Weber.

"Can I grill this meat?" I asked the nice lady at the supermarket last Thursday. "Absolutely," she said as I looked at the London Broil in the refrigerated case. "Will this meat be tough on the grill?" I asked another nice lady as I picked up a package of the meat and put it back down. "It will be fine," she said, "I always marinate London Broil and it is delicious on the grill." I inched closer to the refrigerated case again and picked up a package of the meat again and put it back down again. As I moved away, the nice lady #1 came back over to me and gave me two packages of London Broil. "Take these," she said so sweetly, "marinate them and then grill them, I guarantee they will be delicious."

I was a serious grilling student. I bought teriyake marinade and marinated my London Broils for two whole days. Then I downloaded the Weber Grill instructions and read the directions cover to cover - where to put the charcoal, how to pile the charcoal, how long to wait for the charcoal to heat up, how long to cook a steak on each side depending on thickness. So glad my friend L was there to help me pile the charcoal (twice - we did it wrong the first time) and light the fire, and count the minutes until the London Broil was cooked to perfection. Not only was it so far, so good...but I used all the leftovers tonight to make a superb steak salad. And there is more London Broil left...I guess I didn't need so much meat after all.

- So far, it's been so good that I'm still dating L. I hope he still continues to want to see me, especially after I made him get all full of charcoal this past weekend.

- So far, it's been so good that the sun is shining again and the rain has subsided for awhile. I am determined to get an even tan this summer. I must get a new strapless bathing suit so that I don't have any strap marks when I wear my Nicole Miller strapless dress to my colleague's wedding later in August. I do hope I can still find a strapless bathing suit. I better hurry up and order that brown strapless suit I saw online on Lord & Taylor's website (so far, it's so good that they still have my size left in stock. It is the only size left and it is my size...so I guess I MUST hurry, hurry, hurry and buy it.)

Yes, despite the fact that I need a new roof on my house.

Despite the fact that weeds are starting to appear in the cracks and crevices of my stone walkway (even though I thought I paid a lot of money a year ago for the magical sand that was supposed to keep weeds away from my cracks and crevices forever...or so the trusted landscaper said and I regretfully believed him.)

And despite the fact that I'm still having many sleepless summer nights and emotional ups and downs due to my menopausal hormonal moments...

My summer of 2009 is shaping up to be so far, so good. Glad there are many more weeks left. Although, soon my August and September issues of Vogue and InStyle will arrive and then I'll start thinking about Fall. A new season will be here before I know it. I better hurry and buy that strapless bathing suit.

Judi

Advice for the Lovelorn

2009-06-29T18:34:00.000-07:00

I listened intently to my daughter A who called me in tears last Thursday evening (after I was all relaxed and released after my massage therapist D's fabulous massage).

"What, what, what happened? Did you get hurt?," I said eagerly with a worried plea (as I felt the tension in my back start to resurface.)

"No I didn't get hurt. A just broke up with me via text message," said my daughter A.

"What, what, what," I wasn't sure I heard correctly what she was saying. How could such a thing have happened to my beautiful, successful, talented, fantastic daughter A?

I tried to give her good advice. But, after all my years of experience, I guess my 50 year old advice was not good enough for my shocked and broken hearted twenty-something daughter A. No, my motherly advice was not something she wanted to hear. I should have known better than to say, 'you must be strong,' 'you will get over this,' 'he is immature,' 'you deserve better and you will find someone better.'

As I hung up the phone many times over the weekend, trying to console her and make her feel better, I realized that 30+ years of experience doesn't count when you are trying to talk to an inexperienced person who is deeply 'in love' and has just had her heart broken.

Afterwards, I thought about when I was twenty-something and about my first true love T. T was a graphic artist, and I was starting out my career in the big city...just like my daughter A. Life was so wonderful until T broke my heart. And then I let him break it again and again. I knew he wasn't the right person for me, but I was deeply, I was madly, I was soooooo 'in love' with T (or so I thought.) Months later, I went on to meet an even better guy M, who eventually became my loving husband (for the next 24 years).

"Don't you remember when B broke up with me when I was twenty-something?" said my sister N as I asked for what good advice I could give my daughter A. "I wanted to jump off the NY Circle Line boat tour...jump right off...don't you remember?" It was almost 30 years ago, how could my 50 year old brain remember that awful day?

"Don't you know how terrible I felt after M and I broke up when I was twenty-something?" said my girlfriend L. "Don't you remember when I first told you about the M breakup?"

"We used to commiserate at my sorority all the time after twenty-something sorority-frat guy breakups," said my girlfriend R, "All the time, all the time."

I guess there is nothing good to say after a twenty-something's heart has been broken. Not during the 70s or 80s or 90s or even now. There's nothing good to say to console a young lovelorn that will take away the pain.

Next time my daughter calls with such news, I will tell her to have a good cry, to go buy a big bag of peanut M&M's (or if you are inviting your mother over to cry with you, then buy a box of her favorite Junior Mints or York Peppermint Patties), to rent some good chick flicks (perhaps Bridget Jones Diary or Twilight) and invite your best girlfriends over to watch them with you.

Finally, remember that 30 years from now, when you are my age, you will look back on this breakup and laugh (yes, laugh). In fact, you may or may not even remember boyfriend A's name (unless you do get back together and end up marrying him.) Yes, 30 years from now when perhaps your twenty-something daughter calls you about her text breakup, you'll know exactly what to tell her. If not, google 'broken hearts' and you will find a whole bunch of quotes to say.

Judi

Strengthening My Core

2009-06-23T18:33:00.000-07:00

"Breathe," said N, my yoga teacher, as I sat cross-legged on my yoga mat tonight. Ah, it felt so good to sit still and breathe again.

I looked at my Zen card that I had randomly selected for my practice this evening. It said Humility - "have the ability to empty out and then bring back in."

That was exactly what I so wanted to do. I wanted to empty out all the sadness, fears, frustrations, and angry feelings, that were stirring in my body since a week ago.

I twisted left and right as I stretched my arms and legs and tried to free myself of the whirling emotions that were roiling throughout my body.

It was Sunday a week ago that I had stood at my mother-in-law's grave site. How could it be that 15 months had passed since her passing?

And then four days later...just four days later...I was standing at my husband's grave site, unveiling his memorial stone on what would have been his 58th birthday.How could it be that 18 months had passed since he left our family? How could it be that two years had passed since that tragic day when the blood let loose in his leg and changed his life and mine forever?

I had tried so hard to keep my emotions at bay, but last week everything re-surfaced and it felt like the big waves in the ocean had returned. Yes, the big waves were engulfing me again and I started swimming faster again to stay afloat.

"You are not doing your shoulder stand correctly," said N, as she straightened out my body for our final practice.

"It's all about the core," said N, "The inversion is all about the strength in your core, it holds you up, not your legs."

"I'm afraid," I said to N as she pulled my legs up further so that I was almost doing a head stand. "I'm afraid I'm going to fall."

"Don't worry," said N, "I've got you, I won't let go...I won't let you fall."

I lengthened my legs to the ceiling and let all the emotions from the past week empty out of my body.

Strengthening my core is going to take a lot more time and forgiveness and I guess sometimes I'm going to have to let myself fall backwards, to move ahead. I don't foresee doing shoulder stands on my own any time soon. It's a yoga practice I really have to practice. In fact, I better go buy some more of my favorite lavender epsom salts. Looks like I might be needing a lot more baths to sooth my aching bones in the months to come.

Judi